My cousin died last week he needed a blood transfusion but we didnt know his blood type he just kept saying "b positive b positive" but its hard to be positive with him gone
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. "next to mine" was not the answer i was expecting
* What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * ... * A FLATLINE!
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read "its a bumpy road but soon u will have a straight path." People didnt realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
"Doctor, there's a patient on line 1 that says he's invisible."
"Well, tell him I can't see him right now."
My grandpa said “your generation relies to much on technology” I said “we will see abt that” and I unplugged his life support :)
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make em, we scrape em. No fetus can beat us.
Why did the library book go to the doctor? -- It needed to be checked out.
What do u call a white person having a seizure
A vanilla shake
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals? To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
Why did the tamale go to the hospital
tamalito
So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said "nah mate you've got cancer"
the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
If stephen hawking has a heart attack do u take him to halfords or a&e
Person: 'Doctor, doctor I've only got 50 seconds to live'
Doctor: 'Just give me a minute'
