Medical jokes
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.
At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters
'PNEIS'
and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.
Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.
To the guy who stole my depression medication,
I hope you're happy.
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
(sorry in advance this joke is brutal)
What has 12 heads and 24 eyes?
The bin at the back of the abortion clinic.
So there's an orphan in a hospital, and the doctor walks up and says, "Sorry, kid, but this is a family hospital."
My mom died when we couldn’t remember her blood type. As she died, she kept telling us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without her.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."
Welcome to the abortion clinic. You make 'em, we scrape 'em. No fetus can beat us.
My grandpa said, "Your generation relies too much on technology." I said, "We will see about that," and I unplugged his life support.
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Whoever stole my anti-depression medications, I hope you're happy!
Why can't an orphan get a vaccine?
They need parental permission.
What is the perfect job for a pedophile?
A physical doctor for kids.
One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.
Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"
Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.
Thank you, nurse!
His neighbor asked Hodja,
"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"
"I have," answered Hodja.
"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.
"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"