Suck Jokes

Fence

Anonymous
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A teacher asks a boy in her class "If 3 birds are sitting on a fence, and one is shot, how many are left?" The boy responds with "None." The teacher asks why. "They would all fly away after hearing the gunshot." The teacher says, "The answer is 2, but I like the way you think. Later, the boy asks the teacher "3 women walk out of an ice cream shop. One is eating with a spoon, one is licking it, and one is sucking it. Which one is married?" The teacher says "The one sucking it." The boy says "No, the one wearing the ring, but I like the way you think."

5

Depression

crippling aids
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me: have you ever went sky diving friend:No me:Well don't it sucks friend:Why me:They gave me a parachute and I lived

2

Difference

blond joke
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What's the difference between a blonde and a masqueto?

A masqueto stops sucking when you slap it

Guy

I dont have a live
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Random guy: Go suck a D*ck! Me: Nah, i rather suck a 9mm.

Fat

Anonymous
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A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! Thats not going to help!" She said. "Sure it does." he said. "Its the only way i can see the numbers."

4

Puns

Anonymous
·

You know, Ebay sucks. I was looking for a lighter and it gave me 18,906 matches

Prostitution

Bob
·

What Do You Call An Asian Prostitute?

Suck Mi Dong

5

Priest

Maple
·

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi, the rabbi cuts it off the the priest sucks it off

Vacuum

Anonymous
·

What sucks but doesn't suck?

Vacuums!

Puns

Neon Lights
·

My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.

He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."

Flat

Death&Decay
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A is for Amy who fell down the stairs. B is for Basil assaulted by bears. C is for Clara who wasted away. D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh. E is for Ernest who choked on a peach. F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech. G is for George smothered under a rug. H is for Hector done in by a thug. I is for Ida who drowned in a lake. J is for James who took lye by mistake. K is for Kate who was struck with an axe. L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks. M is for Maud who was swept out to sea. N is for Neville who died of ennui. O is for Olive run through with an awl. P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl. Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire. R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire. S is for Susan who perished of fits. T is for Titus who flew into bits. U is for Una who slipped down a drain. V is for Victor squashed under a train. W is for Winnie embedded in ice. X is for Xerxes devoured by mice. Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in. Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin

Die

Anonymous
·

Sucks Stephen Hawking died so soon, the new Intel update just came out.

8

Depression

Anonymous
·

I tried to get my bloood sucked by a vampire, but he said I was too empty inside

Priest

BOB
·

Whats The Difference Between A Rabi And A Priest One Cuts Them Off And One Sucks Them Off

1

Life

myfrackingleg
·

life is like giving head...it always sucks

Common

·

What do vacuums and your mom have in common?

They both suck

Drunk

Anonymous
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Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick so then we'll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again". His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

Wife

Ray
·

My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

Difference

Anonymous
·

Whats the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar?? One stops sucking when u smack it

9

Lost

Gummybears
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How do you know that the U.S. suck at chess/

They lost two towers.