Police

Police Jokes

Blonde

A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

  • 1
  • Chalk outline

    A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.

    Police Officer

    A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds, "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."

  • 3
  • Pistol

    Today someone was killed with a starter pistol. Police think it might be race related.

  • 1
  • Cop

    A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

    He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

    "I was trying to keep up with traffic," the guy replied.

    The cop said, "But there is no traffic."

    And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

    Blonde

    A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."

  • 4
  • Word

    I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"

    911

    I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

  • 3
  • Dead Body

    Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.

    The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.

    "First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.

    "Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

    The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"

    "Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."

    "Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.

    "He thought he was having his picture taken."

  • 2
  • Batman

    Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.

    House

    Police: Where do you live?

    Me: With my parents.

    Police: Where do your parents live?

    Me: With me.

    Police: Where do you all live?

    Me: Together.

    Police: Where is your house?

    Me: Next to my neighbor.

    Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?

    Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.

    Police: Tell me.

    Me: Next to my house.

  • 4
  • Player

    Among Us players after saying "Self Report!" to the police officers who find a dead body in their basement.

    Part

    The best part about Poland 🇵🇱 is that the police lights are different.

    Gun

    Am tired of my country!!!! How can two policemen use one gun?

    Panda

    A panda walks into a bar. He asked the bartender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him, then leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “Why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “It’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia, and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.

  • 0
  • Police Officer

    Being a police officer in Nunavut must be so fun. They get to play Cut the Rope on the job all the time!

    Name

    A woman buys a house, but she doesn't know what to name the house, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Hairy butt," so she named the house Hairy Butt.

    The next month she had a baby, but she didn't know what to name him, so she stuck her head outside and heard "Crack," so she named the baby Crack.

    After a year or two she lost him, so she called the police and said, "Help! I looked all over my hairy butt, but I couldn't find my little crack."

    Cop

    I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.