You jokes
What do you call it when a man is scared in Panera Bread?
Panera dread.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
No one cares if you bully an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
You're so fat the only letters of the alphabet you know are K, F, and C.
What do you call a house with dog hair?
A shed.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
What do you call a person who's got their wisdom tooth removed too late?
Dumb.
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.
If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?
The dark.
What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?
Answer: A family photo.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...
Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."
You know why emos get excited playing Minecraft? They see a creeper.
How do you light up a football stadium? With a football match.
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!
My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.
"Have you taken a bath?"
"No. Why, did one go missing?"