You jokes

Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?

Panera instead.

Hey, stinks, you know why? 'Cause your butts dry!

I asked a European what do you call Karens in your country? He said, "American women."

How do you start a fight in space?

"Comet me, bro."

People should've recognized that Jared Fogle was a sick offender by one coded Subway sandwich; he normally claimed to kids he ate the sweet onion chicken teriyaki when it was the tuna sub.

Tuna sub was the message of the target to the kid since "tuna sub" put together makes "tunasub" and the truth comes when you spell it in reverse ("busanut")!

How do you make a peanut laugh? You crack it up!

Director: Hi, we are making a huge cliffhanger in this movie.

Actor: Really? What do I do?

Director: You will play the part of the cliff. (holds up hanging rope)

You know why pedophiles get away with molesting children?

Because who are they gonna tell? Not their parents.

I said to my girlfriend nothing can ever make you look ugly...

Because you already look ugly.

Fun Fact: Did you know JFK's brain was so big it covered a whole entire limousine?

I will never forget my grandfather's last words:

"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"

What do you call a white person from Africa?

Albino.

Neona (😞): Are you mad at me?

Gwen (😌): Me? NEVER! Sometimes we listen and don't listen, let's just hug it out!

Neona (😁): Agreed!

A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

The son margarine shows his father his test that he failed.

Father: Son, you can do butter!

Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.

So this guy is talking to his buddy about his flying lessons.

"My first time in the air, my instructor informed me that he was an 8th degree black belt and homosexual, and if I don’t succumb to his sexual advances, I would have to jump out of the plane."

And his buddy says, "Well, did you jump?"

The guy says, "Yeah, a little at first."

What do you call a man with no shins? Tony.

What do you call a lazy piece of meat?

A meatloaf.