You jokes
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
When Elsa said, "Let it go," you took it too seriously and let go of your hairline.
Why don’t you act like your hairline and kindly take several steps back?
Son: “Dad, did you get the results of the DNA test back?”
Dad: “Call me George.”
How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!
Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.
I said, "a smile."
They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.
My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.
Going to school is mandatory in this country.
Can you guess my plan?
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
What do you call a rich Asian?
Cha-ching!
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
What's the best way to catch a fish? Ask someone to throw it to you.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
My son was thrown out of school for letting a schoolgirl wank him off.
"That's the third school this year..." I said to my son, "... Maybe teaching isn't for you."
Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.
Are you a pirate? Because I have a lot of seamen waiting for you 😉
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
What’s the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A whore sleeps with everyone at the party. A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party—except you.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter, it won’t come to you.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?"
I said, "Your parents at first."