Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down you can't see it.
Guy: I don't, I see your mom.
You Jokes
Roses are red. Violets are blue. A face like yours belongs in a zoo. Don't worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, but laughing at YOU!
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
What do you call a gang of emo kids?
Suicide Squad.
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
How do you fit 4 gay dudes on a stool?
Flip it upside down.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
Are you Jesus? Because I want to nail you.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date?
She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
Quarter pounder with cheese.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
