You jokes

What do you call security outside a Samsung store?

Guardians of the Galaxy.

What does pussy taste like in chocolate cream pie?

Don't ever ask me no damn question like that. I ain't never had no damn chocolate cream pie, you crazy?

Hi, how are you today?

What do you call someone who wants to jump off a building?

Cause they want to become Super Man.

Gwen, hi, this is well, I am not saying, are you a girl? I thought you were a girl, but I could be wrong.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? "I want you inside me."

What do you call a group of Daveons? A "daveon-ation."

How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.

Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now.

Your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy. Ok, ok, ooh, I'm so lit right now, your life is so boring, why you sleepin' on me? I can hear you snorin'. Aye, I'm so lit right now, my diamonds on that lit lit. Why don't you just get up? Aye, yeah, get him 'cause I'm awake, boy.

"Knock, knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Cow said."

"Cow said who?"

"Cow says moo you ding dong!"

Yo mama so fat I can see where you got in from now.

What do you call a fat Indian that is actually a machine?

The "curry muncher 2000."

What do you call somebody with no nose?

If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I’d be broke.

What do you call a beehive without an exit? Un-bee-lievable!

What do you call a tamal that's in a bed?

Tamaleto.

How do you get a squirrel to be your friend?

Act like a nut.

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."

When you see a group of pornstars sitting together looking up with their mouths open, that's when you know that Mama bird is back at the nest to feed the baby birds some worms.

Did you know the Titanic sank in water?

Titanic 1, Africa 0.