You jokes

If all your clothes were stolen, what would you go home in?

The dark.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

What do you call a selfie that is taken by an orphan?

Answer: A family photo.

Imagine getting a call and it says, "Welcome to David's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may we help you?"

What do you call two monkeys who share the same Amazon account? Prime mates.

How do you spell ihop?

Then spell ihop and say "ness".

What happens when Rick Astley is getting an erection whilst singing "Never Gonna Give You Up"?

You get PRICKrolled.

What do you call a spice with a PHD?

Dr. Pepper

Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"

What do you do during a shooting? Why, join in, of course...

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

Q. What do you give a sick lemon?

A. Lemon-aid.

You look like the 0.01 percent of bacteria the Lysol didn't kill.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

"Have you taken a bath?"

"No. Why, did one go missing?"

Life is like a film; it goes on, but you can cut at any time.

I was playing football with my friends, and I got tackled and got a penalty. Suddenly, the ground started shaking, and Penaldo emerged from the mud. He took the penalty, but since it wasn't Andorra, he missed. Shame on you, Penaldo!

A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”

A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"

The bartender replied: "A shotgun."

Guys, we should not make fun of 9/11. Like, that stuff is just plain out crazy. Like, you all should not let that fly.