You jokes

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.

My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.

She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,

"It didn't work out."

She told me to be more specific, so I said,

"I just told you, she didn't exercise."

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

My wife told me to stop being an idiot.

I told her, "Which one do you want?"

Roses are red, eggs come in a dozen, do I need to revive Hitler to teach you how to use a goddamn oven?

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through something so small?"

What do you call a group of black people in a shed?

Antique farm equipment.

What's the best response to a girl saying, 'What's up?'

'If I tell you, will you sit on it?'

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

What do you call a white girl with a yeast infection? A cracker with cheese.

A gay guy and a trucker get in a car crash.

The gay guy says, "Somebody call the police! This man just rammed into me!"

The trucker says, "What the fuck did you just say, fucker? Get over here, I'm gonna wreck your ass!"

The gay man then says, "It's okay, everybody, don't call the police! He wants to negotiate."

How do you blow up an Indian person?

You press the red button.

when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)

-> in reality, :( (sob)

depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.

Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.

Like if you love food!

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."

School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.

Me: Have you seen the movie Constipation?

You: No.

Me: Because it hasn’t come out yet! ERMINER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?

Mashed potatoes.

What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.