If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

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My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. – Then the librarian told me to take it out.

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Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

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Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? – They’re always eating out.

… and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

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What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.

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He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.”

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If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

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My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

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What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? – “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

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What’s the difference between a gay and a freezer? – The freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

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What’s the difference between jam and jelly?

You can’t jelly your cock into a girl’s mouth.

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How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

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What’s the difference between hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

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Doctor: “Does your penis burn after intercourse?”

Patient: “I don’t know. I never tried lighting it.”

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I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

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Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? – To keep his ankles warm.

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My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

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I walked into a room full of men masturbating. – They all looked shocked when I didn’t stop.

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