If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. – Then the librarian told me to take it out.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? – They’re always eating out.
… and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? – American teenage girls get stoned before they have sex.
He: “Do you smoke after sex?”
She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.”
If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? – “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
What’s the difference between a gay and a freezer? – The freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
What’s the difference between jam and jelly?
You can’t jelly your cock into a girl’s mouth.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What’s the difference between hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
Doctor: “Does your penis burn after intercourse?”
Patient: “I don’t know. I never tried lighting it.”
I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? – To keep his ankles warm.
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. – They all looked shocked when I didn’t stop.