My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. – Then the librarian told me to take it out.
What’s the difference between hooker and a mosquito?
The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
What’s the difference between a gay and a freezer? – The freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.
Doctor: “Does your penis burn after intercourse?”
Patient: “I don’t know. I never tried lighting it.”
If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?
Is sex a joke? Because I don’t get it.
What’s the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
What’s better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
“May I push your stool in?”
What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? – “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”
What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.