If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. – Then the librarian told me to take it out.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

The furniture store keeps calling me back… But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass

How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, “Hey, Don’t finish yourself until I get back.” After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. “Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!” Gary turns to him and says, “I didn’t, I farted.”

What’s the difference between hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there’s no multiplying.

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.