I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. – Then the librarian told me to take it out.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

The furniture store keeps calling me back… But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?

Stop and apply lubrication.

What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

What’s the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can’t peanut butter my dick up your ass

What do lesbian vampires say after sex?

“See you next month.”

Today I was asked to go out, by 20 girls. – I was in the women’s bathroom.

Is sex a joke? Because I don’t get it.

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