My penis was in the Guinness book of world records. – Then the librarian told me to take it out.

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What’s the difference between hooker and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.

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What’s the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs.

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If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.

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What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Keep the tip.

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I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

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How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.

2

Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

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Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

1

What’s the difference between a gay and a freezer? – The freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.

0

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

0

My town’s population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

0

Doctor: “Does your penis burn after intercourse?”

Patient: “I don’t know. I never tried lighting it.”

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If I was addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

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Is sex a joke? Because I don’t get it.

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What’s the best part of having sex on a golf course?

The hole experience.

0

What’s better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

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What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

“May I push your stool in?”

0

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? – “Honey, I’ll be home in 20 minutes.”

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What’s the difference between oral sex and anal sex?

Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.

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