You jokes

What is the difference between a whore and an onion?

You don't cry when you chop a whore.

How do you get 1 million followers?

You run through Africa with a bottle of water.

What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss.

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

You can keep the tip.

How do you get an emo out of a tree?

Just cut the rope.

Q: How do you make a 9/11 cocktail?

A: Light two Manhattans on fire and then knock them over.

What do you call a Muslim sleepover?

Osamas in Pajamas.

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin."

Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night."

Kid 1: "As if."

Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister."

Kid 1: "I don't have a sister."

Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

You know what flowers and depressed people have in common?

Both end up getting cut.

You know Bofa? Bofa deez nuts.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

You make them clap until they go home.

1 minute silence for those who still think thoughts can't kill you.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Teacher: "If you don't understand, ask your parents at home."

Orphan: "I don't have neither of those :c"

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jack undressed, and she pulled up her dress so they could have some fun. But stupid Jill forgot her pill, and now they have a son.

How do you fit 3 gay guys on a barstool? Flip it upside down.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

What do you get when you put 50 lawyers in a room with 50 lesbians? One hundred people who don't do dick.

What do you call a grown up with your sister? Your best friend.

What do you call a Russian man with three balls?

'Whodya nikabollokov'