You jokes
What does Michael Jackson ask little boys before going to bed? Are you sleeping?
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.
I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!
Broke my toenail yesterday. I'm now presenting you puns/jokes:
1. "Yeah, I broke my toenail, wanna see phoTOES?" 2. "I'm tired of bandaging my toe! Oh. My. GAUZE."
I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
What do you call four black people in a sleeping bag?
A Kit Kat.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.
I hate double standards. If you burn a body at a crematorium, you're doing a good job. If you burn a body at home, you're destroying evidence.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
Suicidal ideation is like wanting to slaughter someone but knowing/feeling that you can't. It's also, in a way, kind of like seeing a really hot chick that you wish you could F, but you again for whatever reason you either feel you can't or you just can't.
Is it just me, or do you kids have imaginations?
How do you make an adopted kid bleed? ... Tell him to clap until his parents come back.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"