You jokes
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
The school shooter: "I finally found you worthless crybabies!!"
The Quiet Kid: "How are a bag of chips and a mac11 the same?"
The school shooter: "I don't know."
The Quiet kid: "When you pull them out everybody wants to be your friend."
doctor: you need to eat healthy.
me: no.
doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.
me: oh my goodness.
doctor: in a plane crash.
me: that sounds unrelated.
doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What's an emo's favorite game?
Limbo.
(If you don't understand the joke, go look up what Limbo is.)
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why is it illegal to do reverse cowgirl in Alabama? You never turn your back to your family.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
What flour do you give an orphan?
Self-raising.
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
Kid: "What's dark humor?"
Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."
Kid: "I am blind, Mom."
Mom: "Exactly."
Bippity Boppity, I'm gonna shoot you off my property!
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
What do you call a bee’s love?
Honey.