You jokes
Roses are red, violets are blue,
FBI wants my penis, can I hide it in you?
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.
Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.
Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.
Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.
Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.
Sorry to hear you feel like poo!
What do you call a nut with a hairy upper lip?
A mustach-io!
Worstjokesever Technical Support is speaking here, what can i do for you?
Shup up, transparent hairline. Look like you got splashed by some clear soap.
What did one canyon say to the other?
You stay here, I'm gonna rise up on ahead.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
A: It doesn’t matter; it won’t come anyway.
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.
The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"
There has to be someone that hates watersharky. He curses at you if you say one thing about his friends or him. He just is mean and needs to leave.
Gwen, please just come back. I love you and I miss you so much!
I'm going to start taking confetti with me to therapy so when my therapist asks me, "How are you?" I can say "sad" and toss the confetti everywhere. It'll be like a real-life iMessage!
What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!
You're fat. Don't sugar coat it because you would probably eat that, too.
What can you build with people? A boat!
This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."
He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
With what do you stuff a dead parrot? His.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I tell you, you look pretty, but all you do is look like a poo.