You jokes

What do you call Jason Voorhees when he eats breakfast?

A cereal killer.

You remind me of a crispy KFC bucket.

Why?

Because you're always finger lickin' good!

Do you go to the gym? Because I sure could use a workout session with you tonight.

Can I be your tripod? Because I want to take a good look at you from all angles.

What do you call a mean cow?

Beef jerky.

Can I be the hammer to your nail? Just so I can pound you down to my wood?

What's the difference between me and Elliot Yamin?

I will not be waiting for you.

Are you a cardiologist? My heart is missing, can I have yours instead?

Excuse me, are you a chiropractor? Because I want to take a crack at taking you out to dinner.

What do you call a gay Pikachu? Penischew.

Why do you think SpongeBob will be good at sex? Because he's always ready.

Maybe I should call you Patrick Star, wanna know why?

Because you're fat, stupid, lazy and everyone laughs at you for it.

You're so skinny that every time you get an X-ray, you call it a selfie.

Friends you eat with are called "tastebuds".

If I'm dying and you ask me what's my type, I will say Karl Jacobs. Then my monitor will start beeping and y'all will get dragged out screaming, "YOUR BLOOD TYPEEEE!"

You're so sad that you make the Great Depression look like a better time period to live in.

I went up to a dude with no arms, pulled out my speaker, and started playing "If You're Happy and You Know It, Clap Your Hands".

Have you heard of the foundation called Autism Speaks?

No, it screeches.

This is for all of the men.

What do you call a penis that disappears? A Magic Johnson.

How do you make a pool table laugh?

You tickle its balls.