You jokes
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
Attention everyone. Please look at the comments and click the link. Thank you for your attention to this matter.
The president of a company comes in to talk to his employees. He says, "As you know, sales have been way down and many of you are not meeting your quotas. We decided to SHAKE things up a bit and introduce you to our new Vice President: Michael J. Fox."
What do you call the bomb dropped on Hiroshima?
A rice cooker.
Why are women like parking spots?
Because all of the good ones are always taken first, and you gotta wait until they're available again.
What do you call One Direction converted to Islam?
Al-Qaedirection
Sayori jokes aren't funny. :-:
I went through that once, you know...
Why should you lose your virginity to an autistic person?
Because virginity needs to be lost with someone special.
What are the first four letters of the alphabet?
Mum: (noticing the child's hair is too long) "You need a haircut."
Brother: (winning a game on PlayStation) "Yes! Get in!"
Uncle: (making plans) "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
Aunt: (singing a song from the show after overhearing the conversation) "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
Next day...
Student: I know the alphabet.
Teacher: OK, go on.
Student: "You need a haircut."
Teacher: How dare you make comments like this! Do you want to go to the headteacher?
Student: "Yes! Get in!"
Teacher: What do you think you're going to be doing?
Student: "We're gonna go and see The Bodyguard."
*In headteacher's office*
Headteacher: Now, I hear you were very rude to the literacy teacher earlier. What do you have to say for yourself?
Student: "I have nothing, nothing, nothing... if I don't have you."
All these wraps and you still can't beatbox.
It was 5:00 PM and I asked my sibling: "Can I have something to eat?"
He replied: "No, not until you tell me the alphabet."
So I said: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, V, W, X, Y, Z."
Then my sibling asked me: "Where's the T?"
I replied: "It's in the microwave, you just need to dish it up."
How do you fit 4 gay guys on 1 barstool?
Turn it upside down and shove a leg up each of their asses.
Why do you not go to a gay man's BBQ?
Because the hotdogs taste like shit.
Roses are red, violets are blue,
FBI wants my penis, can I hide it in you?
How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?
Kill her first.
What do you call a robot that feels like the opposite gender?
A transformer.
What do you get when you combine Michael J. Fox and a cow?
A milkshake.
Pretend you're an orphan and I'm telling you a joke:
Your mom.
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
How Bibi celebrates Valentine's Day:
“I want to nutinyahu.”
“I’d blow up a school for you.”
“Can I be your ‘chosen person?’ 👉👈”
“I wanna bibi inside yo pp.”