You jokes

A DAY IN THE HAZBIN HOTEL

[The lobby of the Hazbin Hotel. Angel is doing his makeup; Husk is passed out at the bar.]

Alastor: (Appears with a blender and a jar of red liquid) Merely ensuring fresh provisions.

Angel: Margaritas?

Vaggie: (Entering, suspicious) What is that?

Alastor: A certain Sir lost his fizz.

(Alastor turns on the unsecured blender. Red goo sprays everywhere, coating Vaggie, Charlie, and the walls.)

Vaggie: (Screaming, covered) You got Sir Pentious all over my wings!

Charlie: That's not a smoothie!

Angel: (Snapping a photo) Looks like someone’s career just got blended!

What do you call a riot full of white people?

An avalanche.

What do you call a Muslim guy in a bathtub?

A bath bomb 💣

Let's see what the orphans are gonna tell their parents about this: "Hey you buttheads, you stink!"

Looks like they didn't tell their parents.

Do you think we should ask the orphan's parents' permission?

Wait... nevermind.

A man walked into a bar and said, "What do you call a cum shot?"

The people running the bar said, "I don't know, nut."

The guy said, "Are you calling me a nut?"

People always call me heartless. That’s not true. I have a heart... it just wasn’t meant for you.

Welcome to politics: You lie to fight and fight to lie.

I'm not saying you're annoying.

But if a yeast infection were a person, it would be you.

I'd make you fall harder than the South Tower.

Question:

Did you hear the one about MAGA people?

Answer:

It "sucks" just like they do!

An orphan walked up to St. June's Family Hospital.

Doctor: "Sorry kid, you can't be in here."

Did you know Kurt had dandruff?

Found his head and shoulders behind the couch.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

How do you make an idiot say how?

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.

How do you punish blind kids?

Put them in a round room and tell them to sit in the corner.

What do you call an emo kid at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

Did you know there's a place in Germany called Hanover?

Must be lots of drunks there.

Doctor: "I am so sorry, I cannot see you today."

Orphan: "Oh, okay. What about tomorrow?"

Doctor: "No, I can't see you ever."

Orphan: "Why?"

Doctor: "Because I am a family doctor."