You jokes
Satan: "Why are you in hell?"
Me: "I threw itching powder on somebody with no arms."
What happens to an Indian's doorbell when you ring it?
A ring-a-ding-a-ding.
Him: Hey girl, do you have pet insurance?
Her: Yes, why do you ask?
Him: Cuz I'm going to bang that pussy up!
A father tells his 10-year-old son...
"Sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on your cereal every morning and you will have a very long life."
His son followed his father's advice every morning without missing a day until he died at the age of 186, leaving behind 28 children, 67 grandchildren, 148 great-grandchildren, and a 7-foot crater where the crematory used to be.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
Q. What do you call a hooker in a vegetative state? A. A thot incapable of thought.
What do you call autistic people with guns? Special forces.
What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well hung.
Kim Jong Il: Knock knock
Political Prisoner: Who's there?
Kim Jong Il: Boo
Political Prisoner: Boo who?
Kim Jong Il: Boo hoo? Don't cry just because I executed your wife and enslaved your children. You at least get to eat today, my friend.
What does a rubix cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them the harder they get.
What do you call Liberal Scare Tactics?
A Conservative's Utopia.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
What’s the benefit of dating a homeless woman?
You can drop her off anywhere.
Really feeling suicidal is basically having a mental breakdown, but realizing you have nothing nice and sharp to use
I don't get people who treat you like shit and cross your boundaries, then are surprised when you have depression.
It's because of them after all. 🥰✨️
What do you call gun ammunition made out of human babies?
Project-childs.
(Projectiles)
What's bigger than Kurt Cobain's head?
What do you mean? He doesn't have one.
The Hodja purchased a piece of meat at the market, and on his way home he met a friend.
Seeing the Hodja's purchase, the friend told him an excellent recipe for stew.
"I'll forget it for sure," said the Hodja. "Write it on a piece of paper for me."
The friend obliged him, and the Hodja continued on his way, the piece of meat in one hand and the recipe in the other. He had not walked far when suddenly a large hawk swooped down from the sky, snatched the meat, and flew away with it.
"It will do you no good!" shouted the Hodja after the disappearing hawk. "I still have the recipe!"
Dschoha's wife was accustomed to go out at night to meet her lover, which caused the neighbors to tease Dschoha. Thus, one night he stayed awake until she left, then locked the door and sat down just inside.
Upon returning, she found the door locked. She asked him to have mercy on her and to open the door, but he just scolded her.
Having given up hope for a good outcome, she said to him, "If you don't open the door for me, I'll jump into the well."
Then she picked up a large stone and threw it into the well. Filled with regret, he ran outside to see what had happened. His wife immediately slipped into the house and locked the door.
He made every effort to convince her to let him come inside, but she scolded him incessantly, saying, "This is what you get for staying out all night with your drunken friends!" And thus she succeeded in shaming him in the presence of all their neighbors.
His neighbor asked Hodja,
"Do you have some forty-year-old vinegar?"
"I have," answered Hodja.
"Would you give me some? I need it to prepare a medication," said the man.
"No, I won't," replied Hodja. "If I had given some to everybody who asked for it, would I have it for forty years?"