You jokes

What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?

A nugget.

What’s something you might say at sea, but not at your partner?

Land ho!

What’s something you can say about a fat person, but not about strippers?

Those legs sure hold a lot of weight.

Something you can say about your furniture, but not your partner: "Those legs sure hold a lot of weight."

What’s something you can say about vacation, but not about your girlfriend?

Next time I’m bringing all my friends.

What do you call an Irish lesbian? A Gaelic

Two men are walking down the street, and see a dog licking its balls. One man says I wish I could do that. The other one says you can probably just pet him

Donald Trump travels back in time to talk to his 10-year-old self.

When he sees himself, he says, "Do you see me? I am you, but almost 70 years older."

His 10-year-old self asks him, "Am I going to be famous?"

Trump replies, "Oh yeah, I became president of the United States. Not once. Twice!"

10-year-old Donald was shocked. But he became even more shocked when he heard the next sentence from his current self: "And now take off your pants!"

Q: What do you call an angry, bullied Asian kid?

Shoo Ting.

How do you get a transwoman to commit suicide?

Use he/him pronouns on him.

What happens after you eat at a combination Chinese-German restaurant?

An hour later, you're hungry—for power!

Mom found a mirror in the garden and said, "I'll show you a real picture!"

My sister looks like Santa Claus.

"You are so pretty?"

"No, too many people!"

Did you know a full moon is perfect for a werewolf to come out?

I’m gay.

What do you call a woman who sleeps with multiple men?

A whore.

Young man: "Very good money, and how about the name of the stupid young man again?"

Friend: "Dagobert Duck."

Young man: "Ah, I remember. He was the American useless."

Friend: "Ah, you mean Donald Trump?"

Young man: "Yes, just like that! I know exactly how the guy managed to become president. Hahaha!!!"

Did you know that soccer fields aren't made of 4 million crayons? They are actually made from grass. :)

What do you call a person with Down syndrome in the military?

Special Forces.

Did you hear about the tourist that came to New York? Good, because they were a terrorist... When they were asked why they were traveling, they just mispronounced it.

What do you call a lesbian pirate?

Red Beard.