Mental Health Jokes

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope...

I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?

They both hang from trees.

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.

Tbh they really left me hanging there.

Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?

Because I am one.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.

When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

What's a suicidal person's favorite game?

Hangman.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?

Half of the class: *raises hand*

Teacher: ...

The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D