Mental Health jokes

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

What do you call a polar bear with mood swings?

A bipolar bear.

Lol

Why can't depressed people make depression jokes? Because they can't talk if they are dead.

How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?

You cut the rope...

How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.

What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?

My dick.

I told my suicidal friends to stop posting suicidal memes. They said they will stop soon.

My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.

I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

Why did the depressed person cross the road?

To get run over.

I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.

Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,

answer the phone with this:

"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"

or

"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"

Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.

What school does a depressed middle school kid go to?

KMS.

Why did the cheese go to therapy? Because it had too many emotional holes.

My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.

Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.