How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
My mom asked me to stop making jokes about suicide.
I answered, "Don't worry... I'll stop soon."
How do you get a depressed person out of a tree?
You cut the rope...
I have no friends, but then I realize my true friends are anxiety and depression.
My memes are ironic, but my depression is chronic.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
Wanna know why I don’t make suicidal jokes?
Because I am one.
Ahem... if somebody you don't like, or somebody random just calls you in general,
answer the phone with this:
"Hello, thank you for choosing Mama's Pizzeria/Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce, how may I help you?"
or
"Hello, this is David's Orphanage, you make them, we take them, how may I help you?"
Some people's reactions are priceless, and then they wonder about your mental health.
My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."
Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."
Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.
What do depressed people and Apple's have in common?
They both hang from trees.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide," and he told me from now on I have to pay in advance.
When I called the suicide hotline in Afghanistan, they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck.
Wanna hear somethin' ironic?
When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.
My neck, my back, my crippling anxiety attacks.
I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.
I used to suffer from depression but through hard work, persistence, and never giving up..\n\nI now suffer from anxiety AND depression :\
I called a Suicide Helpline, but they didn't help me commit suicide.
Tbh they really left me hanging there.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
It's better being depressed and suicidal than being happy, know why? Happiness never lasts forever.
