My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
