Porn Jokes

When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'

I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

I almost got caught watching porn.My mom got the bill for the account but luckily dad had my back.I mean we do use the same account

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Whats the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar?? One stops sucking when u smack it

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says “Your mother, of course.” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says “You’re so so sexy!”

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehed.

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey's F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON'T YOU??!!!!!!

my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.

How to surprise a blind man; put a plunger in the toilet :)

I asked my wife if i could use toys during sex last night you should've see her face when i rolled my hotweels across her tits

Leave a like if your like sex and porn.and talk to me if any question

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

You walk into a mcdonalds and you ask for some extra mayo and they put to much on there. I say I didn't order a Mc cumshot

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

What's a good way to masturbate???

Get somebody to do it for u