Porn Jokes

Done

When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

Kejel

My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: ‘You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!’

Anonymous
in Sex

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

Anonymous

I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207

Daddy

I almost got caught watching porn.My mom got the bill for the account but luckily dad had my back.I mean we do use the same account

Anonymous

Whats the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar?? One stops sucking when u smack it

3
Anonymous

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

WANKA

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey’s F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN’T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON’T YOU!!!

2
Kiwi Keith

my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

Anonymous

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehed.

Anonymous

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I’m probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn’t feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn’t want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn’t say a word about it, he didn’t move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Anonymous

You walk into a mcdonalds and you ask for some extra mayo and they put to much on there. I say I didn’t order a Mc cumshot

2
Anonymous
in Sex

My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.

6
Anonymous

What’s a good way to masturbate???

Get somebody to do it for u

4
Anonymous

I am a volcano

scwiftyjim

They say watching child porn will get me 20 years in Jail. I prefer to think of it as two 10 year olds

5
Anonymous

What is a porn star’s favourite potato crisp flavour…

prawn COCKtail

0
Anonymous

I asked my wife if i could use toys during sex last night you should’ve see her face when i rolled my hotweels across her tits

Anonymous
in Orphan

What do you call a orphan with a boner?

Porn

Anonymous

What’s the difference between a porn star and a mosquito One stops sucking when you snack it