Porn jokes
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
Boys Experiments be like:
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!
Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"
Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."