Porn jokes
I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.
"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.
(Later)
"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?
He only comes once a year.
What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehead.
My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.
As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
Two test tickles.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.
I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie.
Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.