Porn Jokes

Slap

Done
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When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

Happiness

Anonymous
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Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Fish

Kejel
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My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'

5

Bone

Anonymous
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I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207

Sex

Anonymous
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I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them

Bill

Daddy
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I almost got caught watching porn.My mom got the bill for the account but luckily dad had my back.I mean we do use the same account

Ball

Anonymous
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Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

Suck

Anonymous
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Whats the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar?? One stops sucking when u smack it

9

Darkness

😏😟😈😣😖😩😫🥵
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One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says “Your mother, of course.” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says “You’re so so sexy!”

Star

Anonymous
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What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehed.

Test

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What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.

Shit

WANKA
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A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey's F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON'T YOU??!!!!!!

4

Girl

Kiwi Keith
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my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out

Girlfriend

Anonymous
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I revealed my dick to my girlfriend

As she saw it, she said "nevermind, just finger me"

Sex

Anonymous
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I asked my wife if i could use toys during sex last night you should've see her face when i rolled my hotweels across her tits

Sex

Amanda
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Leave a like if your like sex and porn.and talk to me if any question

McDonald's

Anonymous
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You walk into a mcdonalds and you ask for some extra mayo and they put to much on there. I say I didn't order a Mc cumshot

4

Depression

Anonymous
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I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

Why the fuck would I do that. I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn in my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me in the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watch and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with my I wouldn't feel lonely. Well I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, i took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forgot the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forgot what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what i did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish, is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Girlfriend

Anonymous
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Guy: shows girlfriend his dick girlfriend: " cool where is it?"