When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking
I have 206 bones in my body but when I look at you I have 207
My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them
Whats the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar?? One stops sucking when u smack it
What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.
I almost got caught watching porn.My mom got the bill for the account but luckily dad had my back.I mean we do use the same account
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
“Daddy, what are those 2 things on mum’s chest?”. Asked Tom “Those are just….balloons”.said dad (Later) “Dad! I think mum’s dying!”said Tom. “Why?” Asked dad. “Because uncles blowing her balloons and she said “oh god im cumming!”
I asked my wife if i could use toys during sex last night you should've see her face when i rolled my hotweels across her tits
What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?
Craven Morehed.
I revealed my dick to my girlfriend
As she saw it, she said "nevermind, just finger me"
Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
me: can i get ur mom number? friend: here u go: me: ohh strange i already had it.
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says “Your mother, of course.” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says “You’re so so sexy!”
Leave a like if your like sex and porn.and talk to me if any question
A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordan Ramsey's F-king cooking show! Husband:STOP WATCHING THAT F-KING SHIT!!! YOU CAN'T COOK TO SAVE YOUR LIFE!!! WIFE: SO WHAT??! YOU WATCH PORN DON'T YOU??!!!!!!
my new girl friend is a porn star she would probably kill me if she found out
