Porn jokes

My wife caught me one day for watching a porn channel, so I quickly turned the TV to a fishing channel. On her way out, she said: "You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!"

When I was 14, my mum caught me wanking, and she slapped me across the face. A couple weeks later, my dad caught me having a beer, and he made me drink 40 beers. I just thought, "Well, I'm glad he didn't catch me wanking."

I have 206 bones in my body, but when I look at you, I have 207.

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.

What's the difference between a mosquito and a pornstar? One stops sucking when you smack it.

I almost got caught watching porn. My mom got the bill for the account, but luckily dad had my back. I mean, we do use the same account.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

I revealed my dick to my girlfriend.

As she saw it, she said, "Nevermind, just finger me."

I asked my wife if I could use toys during sex last night. You should've seen her face when I rolled my Hot Wheels across her tits.

Leave a like if you like sex and porn, and talk to me if you have any questions.

A husband walks into his house to find his wife watching Gordon Ramsay's F-king cooking show!

Husband: "Stop watching that f-king sh*t! You can't cook to save your life!"

Wife: "So what?! You watch porn, don't you?!"

"Daddy, what are those two things on mum’s chest?" asked Tom. "Those are just... balloons," said dad.

(Later)

"Dad! I think mum’s dying!" said Tom. "Why?" asked dad. "Because uncles are blowing her balloons, and she said, ‘Oh god, I'm cumming!’"

My new girlfriend is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?

He only comes once a year.

Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?

They moan louder than your speakers.

What do you call a porn star that always goes back for more?

Craven Morehead.

Boss: You're fired.

Me: *pauses porn* Why?

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?

Two test tickles.

You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.

I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."