Speed jokes
Wanna hear the car joke?
Nah, it's too fast for you.
A blind pilot walks into a plane waving his walking stick.
The passengers all look at each other in disbelief. The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the captain is legally blind, but rest assured, he is one of the best pilots in the world with over six thousand successful flights."
Next the co-pilot makes his way to the plane, and he is also blind and uses his walking stick to make it to the cabin.
The flight attendant gets on the PA and says,
"Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, the co-pilot is also blind, but rest assured, he is the second-best pilot in the world with over five thousand successful flights."
At this point, the plane begins to take off from the runway. As it gains speed, the passengers grow tenser. The plane keeps accelerating more and more, and as it approaches the end of the runway, it still hasn't left the ground. The plane is approaching the end of the runway at high speed, and the passengers scream, "Oh my God, we're all going to die!"
Suddenly, the plane takes off and begins its ascent.
The pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "The day they stop screaming, we're screwed."
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.
Roses are red, violets are blue, The children are fast, But Elmo is faster, Bow down to your master!
I went out for a drive and attempted to drift on the road. It didn't end well for me, or for the speed bumps I hit.
Wait, there aren't any road bumps.
O h s h i t.
Stop sign: If you speed, I'll call your parents.
Orphans: Going 180.
Why does the Flash eat ostriches? Because he likes fast food.
"Ketchup with me, you are too slow."
What’s red and green and goes 100 miles per hour?
A frog in a blender.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: New Yorkers. Some of them go through 110 stories in 5 seconds.
The FitnessGramTM Pacer Test is a multistage aerobic capacity test that progressively gets more difficult as it continues. The 20-meter pacer test will begin in 30 seconds. Line up at the start. The running speed starts slowly but gets faster each minute after you hear this signal. A single lap should be completed each time you hear this sound. Remember to run in a straight line, and run as long as possible. The second time you fail to complete a lap before the sound, your test is over. The test will begin on the word start. On your mark, get ready, start.
Level 1 Feel it One Two Three Four Five Six Seven; end of level one.
Why do the cheetahs always beat you? Because they beet-ah.
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
Why do cheetahs always get 100 on a test?
They’re cheetahs!
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.
Speed.
Why did the ion always lose at Go Fish?
Because he was playing with a cheetah!
Girl, you and slow are slower than a fairness.
Why are planes the fastest readers? Because they went through 100 stories in 20 seconds.