Turtle jokes
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
I like turtles.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does.
A boy went to a costume party with a girl on his back. Someone asked him what he was supposed to be. He answered, "A turtle."
"Then why do you have a girl on your back?" the guy asked again.
The boy answered, "It's Michelle."
What do turtles and lesbians have in common? They both choke on plastic.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
Where do you find a turtle with no legs?
Right where you left it.
What pictures did turtles take?
Shell-fies!
What do turtles use to communicate?
A shellphone!
What do turtles and lesbians have in common?
They both choke on plastic.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
What do you call a stupid turtle?
Retorted.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
A guy walks into a restaurant and orders turtle soup. The waiter hollers, "One turtle soup!"
A moment later, the guy calls the waiter over and says, "I’ve changed my mind, I would like pea soup." The waiter hollers, "Hold the turtle, and make it pea!"
Yo body so plastic that a turtle could choke on your peeled skin!