Fast Jokes

Anonymous
in Animal

Why do the French eat snails? – They don’t like fast food.

9
Anonymous
in Police

A cop stopped a guy for speeding.

He said, “Do you know how fast you were going?”

“I was trying to keep up with traffic,” the guy replied.

The cop said, “But there is no traffic.”

And the guy answered, “That’s how far behind I am.”

Tenzin Chogyel
in Man

3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with ¨why did you drive so fast.¨

Az

I’m a fast reader, I can go through 20 stories in a few seconds.

Stripper Jokes
in Personal

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It is cheap fast, and if the rubber breaks, your pretty much screwed.

Derplaney
in Puns

One day a snail got robbed by 2 turtles, once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, Snail said “I dont know it all happed to fast”!

4
Anonymous
in Stairs

I lost a race with a handicapped person today. The problem was the race was all stairs.

Gravity sure is fast

Lydia

What food does a cheetah eat? Fast food

9
Robert W.
in Bus

A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.

B
in Depression

Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: 🙄. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: 😳😶😟. My depression: 😉 dont worry I’ll always be here for you.

Big dix McGee

The reason why the “eating a tide pod” trend ended so fast is because everyone that did it died.

0
Baz

I got caught masterbating in the bath buy my mum! I said MUM I’ll wash it as hard and fast as I want!

StretchArmstrong

Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral? He went from The Fast And The Furious to Gone In 60 Seconds

Iran to Pakistan
in Puns

“Guess how I got to Germany so fast?”

“Because I was Russian!”

3
Anonymous

ur mom fat lol

The Cheetah
in Cheetah

Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.

Anonymous
in Adult

How did the germans conquer poland so fast? they marched in backwards and the polish people thought they were leaving.

Wanna hear a joke about the flash? “Never mind it’s too fast”

cneal04
in Forehead

Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD

Sabers the fox
in Cannibal

Two cannibals have just captured a man and are about to eat him, so they cook him and lay him on a table. the first cannibal says “you start at the bottom I start at the top” so they both chow down. about half an hour later, the second cannibal says “i’m having a ball” then than the the first cannibal says “than you’re eating too fast”

5