:)

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My mom tells me to stop with the suicide jokes and I replied with its not that deep

My dad told me to stop with the suicide jokes so I said I’ll cut it out

A grasshopper tries playing cricket. It failed, and got eaten by the bat.

I went out for a drive, and attempted to drift on the road, it didn't end well for me, or fo the speed bumps I hit. *wait. there isn't any road bumps* *o h s h i t.*

what is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down? What in the Robot!?

When you lock the door, but you realize its a pull open door:

AR-15: who are you!? Musket:*im you, but from another timeline.*

Why can't orphans stand Darth Vader? Because he's their father.

what did the bomber say the the jet?

sorry bro, I gotta bomb. *WAIT NO-*

roses are red, her name is lily, she bends over, and said "HARDER, DADDY!

When the school shooter runs out of ammo: K a l m

When he grabs a full mag: P a n i k

When he looks back and doesn't see you, but you're hiding in one of the classrooms:K a l m

When the autistic kid's sketchers light up: P A N I K

Who ended Franz Ferdinand's COD account?

He ended with a Black Handed bang.

What does shrek and onions have in common?

* L A Y E R S *

A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked "Dad, what are you wearing?". The father would answer with "A costume for Halloween.". the child asked "can i join?". He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

I just threw some cigarette butts on the ground while I was driving. I wasn't clean after this.

If you kill someone, that's murder. If you kill a family member, that's still murder. If you kill a child, that's "child abuse"

why is Delta jealous? Because Omnicron took the final kill.