Clock Jokes

Colebot
in Puns

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

Canadian

A man goes into heaven and there he meets jesus. He asks Jesus what that broken clock is there for. Jesus says “that is mother teresa’s clock it has never moved because she has never lied”. “There is Abraham Lincolns clock. He has .lied twice so it has moved twice.” “Where is Donald Trump’s?” Ask’s the man. Jesus answers “it is in my office, I am using it as a ceiling fan.”

Anonymous
in Puns

I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

2
I take bleach shot glass

What do a pedophile and a clock have in common…neither of them go pass 12.

5
Anonymous
in Puns

6:30 is the best time on a clock… hands down.

7
Mango
in Puns

What happens when a clock is hungry It goes back four seconds.

0
Anonymous
in Orphan

What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.

Anonymous

why did the girls sit on the clock. To be on time

What time is it when it turns 13 O clock?

Time to get a new watch

Gh0st
in German

When a clock goes forward, it’s tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, its tactic!

Beastifiar

Why did sally fall of the swing-someone chucked a brick at her. Why did sally through a clock out the window-she had brain damage from the brick.

3
Anonymous

What do you call a clever clock? Clockwise

Anonymous
in Puns

They Are making a movie about clocks.

It’s about time.

Anonymous
in Puns

If you eat a clock then does that mean you’ve consumed time?

millsy

You momma’s so fat she started fat lives matter … meetings are everyday 11 o clock mcdonalds 12 o clock kfc 1 o’clock pizza Hut

Ron

what did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom? WATCH OUT!!!

Anonymous

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, 'I dont know what a potato clock is’ The man said, 'me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock

Anonymous
in America

a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa’s clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln’s clock; he’s only lied twice so its moved twice. where’s donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.

Aka Jokes
in Time

You: Finds a time clock that can change time

Your friend the next day: Hey, can borrow yo’ house

You: No I’m trying to figure out what to do with my TIME

Also you: Changes the time back to 1267 so you don’t have to have that friend again

Anonymous

What did the robber say to the clock?

Hands up!