Voice Jokes

Anonymous

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging. -- Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

4
HERALD
in Animal

I was setting a voice recognition password for my new phone and a dog nearby barked and ran away. Now I'm still looking for that dog to unlock my phone.

Mechanical Manic

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."

Anonymous
in Depression

Depression is like having anxiety but with more voices.

1
Funny but sad.

Bob and Brad loved baseball. When Brad was dying , Bob asked Brad to see if there was baseball in heaven. Brad died and two weeks later Bob woke up to Brad's voice. Brad said I've got good news. They do have baseball in heaven. Bad news is that you're up to bat next.

Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.

JACK AND JILL 2.0

After Jill went down the hill to get a pill,

Jack was screaming till his voice went nil

And Jill screamed "Chill!"

I know the voices in my head aren't real but man so they have some good ideas

Honest Penaldo Fan

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him", so i couldn't do a fatality. I was confused but i understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!” He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!” He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?” “No, this is the rink manager!”

watersharky

My Friend-Evan-What happens if the voice inside your head is your soulmate-Me-Then my soulmate is a F_cking A__hole.

Anonymous
in Michael Jackson

What did Mickey mouse, and Michael Jackson have in common? : (What don't they have in common) Same red shorts, theme park in their backyard, white glove, soft voices, loved children, they both were black with white faces,

2

[concert] SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight CROWD: woo ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months

D.D.Diva_23

When I was little I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people..until I turned 7 I realized that it was just people doing voices..sad isnt it

Iloveballsrn
in Orphan

Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.

DonMomo

A Down child is drowning, he calls help with all of his voice:<<Somebody help me!! I'm Downing>>

BA DUM TSS

@rainbowplushy on kik

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping, the boy asks "what is that man doing?". The mom says "Making pizza" trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says "Making extra cheese". When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says "Ordering the pizza".

Later that day the mother says to the father "I think I want some to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, dont know why that sounds good".

So that night the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs "wanna order some pizza !?"

The mother replied "DONT WORRY IM MAKING SOME"

the sons voice followed " IM ADDING EXTRA CHEESE"

0
Crackhead

So a retarded kids mom drops her kid off at school and says “you better stop the bus today because I’m not picking you up” and so he agrees and he arrives at the bus stop and says “stop” (in a retarded voice) and the bus goes straight past him the next day the mom says the same thing and the kid goes to the bus stop and says “stop” (in a retarded voice) and the bus goes straight past him the third day his mom says “I don’t care if have to jump out in the middle of the road you better stop that bus” so the kid goes to bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says “Stop!” The bus driver runs over him a nearby lady stops the bus and says “why’d you run that poor kid over” and he responds “‘cause he was making fun of me” (in a retarded voice)

3
😴

let it go, LET IT GO! Blablablabla whatever the rest of the song says dun dun blablablabla my mom never bothered me anyway

I'm bored 😴 so thats why I sang in my wonderful voice for a few seconds and wasted ur time

Gordie
in Anti-jokes

A man was kneeling on the church floor, crying desperately in front of the large wooden statue of Christ. "My headphones are broken, Lord... I'm desperate... What should I do? Guide me!!" And the Lord appeared in the form of bright light, and the strong, deep voice filled the man's soul. WELL BUY NEW ONES, YOU DUMBASS And so he did.