Ketchup Jokes

Tomato

Daniel King

Why are tomatoes 馃崊 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can鈥檛 ketchup.

Cannibal

Anonymous

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

Tomato

Anonymous

if tomatoes are fruit does that mean ketchup is a smoothie

3

Appetite

Anonymous

Did you hear about the tomatoe and the lettuce race? Well the lettuce was a-head and the tomatoe was trying to ketchup

1

Lettuce

Jakeomalfoy

There was a race between Lettuce a faucet and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running and the ketchup was trying to ketchup

French Fries

Daniel King

What do french fries 馃崯 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

5

Tomato

Daniel King

馃:C鈥檓on tomato!

馃崊: I鈥檓 trying to ketchup.

馃:You鈥檙e a mile away.

馃崊: I am a tomato! It鈥檚 not that easy for me to ketchup.

Puns

Will Long

I鈥檇 like to relish the fact that you鈥檝e mustard up the courage to ketchup to my level

Puns

Anonymous

To master puns you got to relish them first that's how I musterd it who knows maybe you will ketchup to my level

Empty

Anonymous

What did the tomato say to the empty Ketchup bottle "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME"

Puns

Anonymous

I don鈥檛 put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

Cross

kitty

why did the tomato cross the road to ketchup with his friends on the other side

Cannibal

Twinzgamez_yt

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer's cannibalism?

This isn't ketchup

Tomato

Daniel King

Knock knock.

Who鈥檚 there?

Ketchup.

Ketchup who?

Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 馃崊馃槀

Yo mama

yo mama is so fat that she brought a spoon to the Superbowl and and plate and ketchup to the redzone

Baby

(there was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato and a baby tomato)

Baby: wait for me!

(father tomato walks back towards the baby)

(he squishes the child)

Father: Ketchup

Race

The fries were the slowest in the race and they said "We need to ketchup to the tomato"

Ball

SEX

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"

Other jokes:

1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

5. How is life like toilet paper? You鈥檙e either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don鈥檛 get support, people will think we鈥檙e nuts.

7. What鈥檚 the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

4

Eating

Leo

I want some cheeseburgers just to eat. Im talkin ketchup. My nlgga mustard on that BEAT!