Vegetable

Daniel King

Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?

Because they can’t ketchup.

Tomato

Daniel King

🧀:C’mon tomato!

🍅: I’m trying to ketchup.

🧀:You’re a mile away.

🍅: I am a tomato! It’s not that easy for me to ketchup.

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Difference

Anonymous

People are like potatoes.

We may look different, but we all taste the same with a little ketchup.

Tomato

Anonymous

if tomatoes are fruit does that mean ketchup is a smoothie

0

French

Daniel King

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

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Lettuce

Anonymous

Did you hear about the tomatoe and the lettuce race? Well the lettuce was a-head and the tomatoe was trying to ketchup

0

Puns

Will Long

I’d like to relish the fact that you’ve mustard up the courage to ketchup to my level

Lettuce

Jakeomalfoy

There was a race between Lettuce a faucet and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running and the ketchup was trying to ketchup

Tomato

Daniel King

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Ketchup.

Ketchup who?

Ketchup my slow tomatoes! 🍅😂

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Ball

SEX

A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’”

Other jokes:

  1. Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing.

  2. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing?

  3. How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it.

  4. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells!

  5. How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone.

  6. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts.

  7. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball.

  8. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

Puns

Anonymous

To master puns you got to relish them first that’s how I musterd it who knows maybe you will ketchup to my level

Puns

Anonymous

I don’t put ketchup and mustard on my hotdog, I relish it.

Sister

freshfry

my dog went threw my bathroom garbage and for some reason my sister put a bunch of ketchup packets in there…

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Lettuce

FoodDude

Did you hear the race of the tomato and lettuce? Well the lettuce was winning and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

Cannibal

Twinzgamez_yt

What 3 words started Jeffery Dahmer’s cannibalism?

This isn’t ketchup

Finger

dev

suck on a finger once bite it of taste it put some ketchup on it wait im making a mess i bit it off!!!

Kid

Anonymous

Why is a ketchup bottle like a kid cause their like squirt(squirt ketchup)

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Hang

Kitty =3

I was talking to my old friend, they said " We should hang out more! "

I said " you mean we should ketchup?"

Lettuce

j;flurjrn.hvuyr7

The lettuce and tomato where in a race. The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup

Morning

Anonymous

what did the mustard say to the ketchup quit running so fast let me KETCHUP to you.