“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies.

The bartender shakes his head, and says.

"Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.

A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree He now knew how the Mercedes bends

A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds “Oh. I’m terribly sorry. You see, I’m so gay I can’t even park straight.”

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident

An amputation

My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom.” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

What’s the similarity between women and car parking spaces? The good ones are always taken, and sometimes when nobody’s looking, you slip in the disabled one

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

  • Carlos.

Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!”

The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”

What’s the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

What do you call 3 white guys pushing a car up a hill? White Power What do you call 3 black guys pushing a car up a hill? Black Power What do you call 3 Mexicans pushing a car up a hill? Grand Theft Auto

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn’t, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down

3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with ¨why did you drive so fast.¨

a girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says suck my dick and ill buy you a dress and she does it and says to him dad your Dick tastes like shit and he says yeah your brother wanted a car

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