Puns

Anonymous

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Puns

Fábio Ferreira

What do you call a Mexican who lost his car?

  • Carlos.

Die

Harley

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

Die

Ashton grace

30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way the first lady she was obsessed with her looks so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish the next person didn’t know what to wish for so they wish for the same thing the guy in the very back was laughing having a grand old time then god got to the person before the last he aaid the same he wished to be beautiful when God got to the last person he said I want them all to be ugly again.

Crash

Anonymous

What do you take care of after a car crash? The witnesses

Crash

Anounymouse

A boy and his mother survived a car crash. The boy asks his mother “Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?” The mother replies with “More like an accident.”

Tree

Anonymous

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we’ve ever gotten to an accident site.”

Ex

Anonymous

“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

Hearing

[null48]

Do you know a way to really freak out someone that works at a car dealership?

You say “Tell me if you can hear me”, then get in the trunk and start screaming.

Man

Tenzin Chogyel

3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with ¨why did you drive so fast.¨

Drunk

THE FUNNY DUDE

Jim’s car is swerving all over the road so a cop pulls him over, “Step out of the car” says the cop, “I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test.” “I can’t”, Jim responds “You see I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack.” “Alright,” says the cop, “then you’re going to have to take a blood test.” “Can’t do that either,” Jim responds, “I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won’t stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death.” “Ok,” the cop answers “then I will need a urine sample.” “Sorry,” says Jim “I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low.” “Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me.” “Can’t do that either” responds Jim. “Why not?” Demanded the exasperated cop. “Well, because I’m drunk!”

Puns

Anonymous

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk

Windows

Your mum

That awkward moment when your checking yourself out in the window of a car and you realize there’s somebody inside

Wife

Your Mom

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm.” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

People

Tony

Why did the snail paint a big “S” on his car? Because he wanted people to say look at that S car go when he rolled by.

Hand

Madison R.

A Blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

The Blonde Cop asked to see the blonde driver’s license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

‘What does it look like?’ she finally asked. The policewoman replied, ‘It’s square and it has you picture on it.’

The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. ‘Here it is,’ she said.

The Blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, “OK, you can go. I didn’t realize you were a cop…”

Depression

Sam

Why did i walk across the road?

to get hit by a car

Sadness

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life

Puns

KittyKat

My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

Accident

Anonymous

What did Jenny get for her birthday after a car accident

An amputation

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