Car

Car jokes

Drunk

    • Jim's car is swerving all over the road, so a cop pulls him over. "Step out of the car," says the cop. "I am going to need you to take a breathalyzer test." "I can't," Jim responds. "You see, I have very bad asthma, that can set off an attack." "Alright," says the cop, "then you're going to have to take a blood test." "Can't do that either," Jim responds. "I am a hemophiliac, if a wound is opened, I won't stop bleeding, and I could bleed to death." "Ok," the cop answers, "then I will need a urine sample." "Sorry," says Jim, "I also have diabetes, that could push my sugar count really low." "Fine, so just come on out, and walk a straight line for me." "Can't do that either," responds Jim. "Why not?" demanded the exasperated cop. "Well, because I'm drunk!"

  • 6

    • Death

    • I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, but not like the other passengers in the car with him.

  • 18

    • Man

    • Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

  • 14
    • Car memes

    Ex

    • "Hey, today was great."

    "What happened?"

    "I ran into my ex today."

    "What's so great about that?"

    "I was in my car."

  • 21

    • Drunk man

    • Three drunk men get in a taxi. The driver knew they were drunk, so he started the car and turned it off. The first man gave him the money. The second man thanked him, but the third man slapped the driver. The driver, surprised that he noticed, asked why, and the third man replied with, "Why did you drive so fast?"

  • 1

    • Wish

    • 30 people died in a car wreck before they got to Heaven. God asked for one wish because they died in a tragic way. The first lady, she was obsessed with her looks, so she asked to be beautiful and God granted her wish. The next person didn't know what to wish for, so they wished for the same thing. The guy in the very back was laughing, having a grand old time. Then God got to the person before the last. He said the same, he wished to be beautiful. When God got to the last person, he said, "I want them all to be ugly again."

  • 9

    • Car crash

    • A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

    The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

  • 0

    • Spaghetti

    • My sister argued with me that you can't make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta!

  • 1

    • Police Officer

    • Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

  • 1