Speed jokes
Who are the fastest readers ever? 9/11 victims, they went through 89 stories in 7 seconds.
Codenames for them FUCKING drugs, my crackhead ngas.
Cannabis: Weed, Pot, Ganja, Herb, Grass, Mary Jane, Bud, Chronic, Kush, Trees, Hash, Hashish (concentrates).
Cocaine: Coke, Blow, Snow, Dust, Charlie, White girl, Pearl, Nose candy, Rail, Sniff.
Crack Cocaine: Rock, Hard, Nuggets, Dice, Jelly beans, Moon rocks, Sugar block.
Heroin: Smack, H, Dope, Junk, Black tar, Brown sugar, China white, Horse, Dragon, Skag.
Methamphetamine (Meth): Crank, Speed, Chalk, Ice, Crystal, Glass, Shards, Tina.
MDMA (Ecstasy/Molly): E, X, XTC, Molly, Beans, Adam, Happy pill, Love drug, Dancing shoes.
LSD: Acid, Tabs, Doses, Dots, Blotter, Window pane, Sugar cubes.
Ketamine: Special K, K, Vitamin K, Cat Valium, Green K.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 67 stories in 0.67 milliseconds.
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
Why do cheetahs run? Because they are spotty.
As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.
Why do French people eat snails?
Because they don’t like fast food.
Why was Sonic fast?
To be rolling around at the speed of sound, got places to go, gotta follow my lead.
Bro, you ever think while driving the moped why they call it a footrest when the foot never lets it rest? The foot is working harder than the engine. You push, push, but still go the same speed like a turtle with a bad mood during a rabbit race...
What should we want?
Racecars.
When should we want them?
NEOWWWWWWWWWWWM!
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
Why are 9/11 victims the fastest readers in the world?
Because they went through 90 stories in just 10 seconds!
A cop pulls over a carload of nuns.
The cop says, "Sister, this is a 55 MPH highway. Why are you going so slow?"
The Sister replies, "Sir, I saw a lot of signs that said 41, not 55."
The cop answers, "Oh, Sister, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you are on!"
The Sister says, "Oh! Silly me! Thanks for letting me know. I'll be more careful."
At this point, the cop looks in the backseat where the other nuns are shaking and trembling. The cop asks, "Excuse me, Sister, what's wrong with your friends back there? They are shaking something terrible."
The Sister answers, "We just got off Highway 101."
Your ma is so slow, it took her 9 months to make a joke.
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.
Why was the rapper always in a rush?
Because he was on the FAST TRACK to RAP STARDOM!