Speed jokes
One day when I was driving around our children's school with my wife, she saw a speed bump. She told me to slow on it, and when I did, we heard a loud, long scream.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
I had to stop drinking because I got tired of waking up in my car, driving 90.
Which falls faster, an apple or an emo kid?
The apple, because the emo kid is hanging.
Yo mama's so ugly that Sonic needed to go fast to get away from her face.
Pete the panther was racing a cheetah but lost. The cheetah said, "You can’t beat me, I’m a cheetah." Pete said, "Yeah, you are a cheetah cheetah."
9/11 pilots are the best readers.
They went through 30 stories in less than an hour.
What do queer guys call hemorrhoids? Speed bumps!
You know you're fucked when the speed bump screams.
Why did you and Sarah break up?
'Cause she cheetahed on me.
The cheetah and lion are racing. The cheetah wins.
The lion says, "Man, you a cheetah."
The cheetah says, "Nah, you lion!"
Yo mama's so fat, her belly button gets home 15 minutes before she does.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
What is the difference between Paul Walker and the Queen?
Paul Walker passed 100 before he died.
It’s like Sonic always says, “If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do, tell their parents?”
What do you call a fast boat?
Usain Boat.
If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims, they went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Why is the cheetah super good at hide and seek tag? Because he was too fast!
What's a cheetah's fav food?
Fast food!