Speed jokes
What’s red and goes 90 miles an hour?
I went 80 mph in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screamed, "Am I hallucinating?"
Why did the lion lose the race? Because he was playing with a cheetah.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
I’d pound your mom so fast, even Sonic would get jealous!
What's the difference between a speed bump and a road kill?
About 40 mph.
Why don’t cheetahs get married?
They always cheat on each other.
What world record did the people in 9/11 get?
The world record for going down 80 floors in a matter of seconds.
Why did the cheetah lose in chess? Because he played against cheetahs!
Girl, you and slow are slower than a fairness.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Q: What do you call a chip that goes fast?
A: A rocket chip.
I told a kid in a wheelchair, "Use your nitro boosts!"
What's black and red and goes 90 miles an hour? A baby in a blender!
Your hairline be going up and down like a Formula 1 car!
A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."
The officer said, "There is no traffic."
The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"
What is an epileptic's least favorite superhero? The Flash.
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
My dad went to go buy milk, but he walks as slow as my grandmother.
My grandmother is paralyzed in the legs.
Who are the fastest readers? 911 victims. They went through 88 stories in 7 seconds.