What goes black, white, black, white, down a hill?
A fat nun.
What do you call a bunch of sheep rolling down the hill?
A. A lamb slide.
I love the way the Earth rotates.
It really makes my day!
Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
To get to the bottom.
What is similar between sex and fishing?
It doesn't matter how deep you go, it matters how you wiggle the worm.
Jesus and Moses come back to Earth.
Moses says, "Let's go down to the ocean and see if I can do what I used to when I was here before." So Moses raises his arms and motions to part the waters. Sure enough, he is able to part the waters just as before.
Jesus quips, "Close the water, I'm going to try to do what I used to when I was here last." So Jesus walks out on top of the water, then sinks to the bottom. He crawls out pulling seaweed off of him. Moses says, "Hey, it's not your fault, you didn't have those holes in your feet before."
What runs but never stops?
When someone throws something at your forehead, it stops moving and goes into orbit around your forehead.
I can't decide if I like rocking chairs or not.
I keep going back and forth on them.
Person one: What did the DJ name his son?
Person two: IDK, what?
Person one: Erik (while making a DJ motion).
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
What is always moving but we never see it walk?
Time! Hahahaha!
If Leo were any slower, she’d be going BACKWARD.
What did the flag say to the pole?
Nothing, he just waved.
Why can’t Germans call a taxi? *does taxi calling motion*
If you have a pair and it runs around the street, what do you call it? A running pair.
Why did the rock not risk going to the other side of the road?
It's a damn rock, mate. It's not gonna walk!
Why did the stairs move?
Because it was up to something!
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
So I was walking.
