Humor
Q: I like elephants.
A: Everything else is irrelevant.
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
+1 like = 1 kid in my basement.
+1 follower = 1 kid in my Microwave.
+1 Comet.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.
A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...
"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"
What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?
For me, life.
What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.
Do a neck reveal.
Chuck Norris sent the chicken back across the road.
I would have a joke for my friend... but he can't afford the punchline.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
What's the most illegal activity in Africa?
Watering the plants.
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.
What's the difference between Monday and a dick?
They're not different. They're both unnecessarily long and hard.
Moby Dick's father's name...
Papa Boner.
Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing!
What gets hard when tugged and fits perfectly in between boobs... A seatbelt.
Why are people disappointments? Because you are reading this.