Neck jokes
How do you make a suicidal guy go bungee jumping?
Tie the bungee cord around his neck.
There are some sounds that everyone loves... - Shoes on gravel. - Crackling of fire. - The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you. - Cats purring.
Why does a giraffe need such a long neck?
Because its head is so far away from its body.
When they spilled coffee on his neck, he got hot under the collar.
So, a woman gets into a car accident and is in the hospital, and the doctor goes on to tell the man what is going on.
Doctor: "So, your wife, she is paralyzed from the neck down."
And as the doctor goes on, he says all the things the man must do for her, like feed her, dress her, etc. Then the man says, "Why, WHY ME!"
Then the doctor leans over and whispers in the man's ear and says, "I'm just fuckin' with you, she's DEAD!"
Your hairline is so back down, it is in your neck.
Dad: Where is my son?
Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.
Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?
Son: YES!
Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH
I showed my family a few Charlie Kirk debates.
They called him a pain in the neck.
OK, bye.
Go commit neck rope.
What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.
When you say, "I wish I could cut off these bumps on my neck." (Your mom walking to you with a knife.)
My hair goes just onto my collar bones. WOW! That's longer than I'll live.
What do you call a fish with no neck?
Why do giraffes have such long necks?
Because their feet smell!
Alberta.
The only province where the Premier wears anal beads around her neck.
Your mama is so fat, when I think of her in my head, she just broke my neck.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.
What happens if you look in the mirror and say fentanyl 3 times? You'll see Derek Chauvin kneeling on George Floyd's neck.
Hannes asks his mother, "Mom, why are the peanuts called peanuts?" Mom replies, "Because they grow in the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why don't strawberries grow in the earth?" Mom replies: "The giraffes originally had a short neck, but it has grown from giraffe to giraffe. The same thing happened with the strawberries. They grew in the earth and grew higher from harvest to harvest until at some point their stems protruded from the earth." Hannes replies, "Then why is my neck so short?" The mother replies: "So many people died in the First and Second World Wars that our necks could not develop at all. It was the same in the Thirty Years' War. We humans have been in so many wars. The giraffes in none and that's why our neck is so short."