Humor

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

Dark Humor is like a child with cancer. It never gets old.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help me understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So, me with my horrible humor, decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around, and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, "Here you are, a fine African meal." Then everybody looked at me in disappointment, and then I continued to say, "What? Poor taste?"

When I'm bored, I text a random number, "I hid the body... now what?"

My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

A man walks into the library. “Hello ma’am, I’d like to borrow a book about committing suicide.” The librarian replies, “No, you won’t give it back.”

Why are priests called father? Because it's too suspicious to call them daddy.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Are you suicide, 'cause you're always on my mind?

A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, "She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?" The wife replies, "Perform the fucking autopsy!"

New Teacher: "I was an orphan as a kid."

Students: "OOF!"

Teacher: "Is anyone missing?"

Students: "Your parents!"

To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."

Think everyone who wrote these jokes are dead yet?

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

A man gets kicked out of police camp after writing "Who's that Pokémon?" next to all of the chalk outlines.

Fuck it, suicide is wrong, but if you jump off a bridge and yell "parkour," it's a failed stunt.

I'd tell a joke about my abusive dad, but I only remember the punch line.

I remember my grandfather's last words: "Is that loaded?"

I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.

What do you call an orange on a small stick?

Donald Trump.