Two friends are arguing and one friend says, "Jason Warhis is not afraid of water and not ifs, ands, or buts about it."
And the other friend says, "Butt he is."
Humor
My girlfriend broke up with me because she caught me eating a banana with my butt........
IMAGINE!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
UR MUM!
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
What did the orange say to the other orange?
I orange you glad!
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
What did the cactus look like with his tuxedo on?
Sharp! 🤣
I said "Uranus!" and the girl beside me face-palmed. I wonder what I did wrong?
Just think, when we're getting fucked, we make our own food.
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
What do you call a religious drug addict?
A crystal methodist.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
How do you ground a person in a wheelchair?
Take off the wheels!
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
What makes 9/11 an inside job?
Someone started calling it 10/7.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
