Humor
The F in "I'm orphan" stands for family.
But there is no F.
Why does Lincoln like Ronnie Anne?
She is the only one that calls me "lamo."
The pterodactyl went in my bathroom and peed.
When I was in the shower, I couldn't hear it. Why? Because the "p" is silent.
Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.
On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"
The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."
The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"
The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."
How do you call a cute door?
A-door-able.
I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.
Me: Dad, my phone is broken.
Dad: How?
Me: I clicked the home button, but I'm still at school.
Dad: Stupid.
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
It's getting near midnight, and I can already hear Big Ben. He's upstairs pumping the wife.
Soldiers, there is one thing you can be sure of: You will be at home with your families, in a jar on the mantelpiece.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like an apple.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
What do you call a swimming terrorist? A bath bomb.
An orphanage is like a horse rescue: you rescue them, you rehabilitate them, and then you sell them to the highest bidder.
Mr. Smith lived in an apartment. In the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor. Then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. Why did he do that?
Because he was too short! So he pressed the highest button he could and walked to his apartment.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
What did the orange say to the other orange?
I orange you glad!
What do you call a dinosaur with a cowboy hat and cowboy boots?
A Tyrannosaurus Tex.