Humor

You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.

What did the hot dog say to the condom? "Hot dog condom style."

Scan my wrist for 75% off!

"DEEZ NUTS"

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it... Oh, wait.

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To get to the real estate agent.

What did one aborted baby say to the other? Nothing. They're both dead.

What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?

Tic-tac-toe.

What do you call a Chinese boy throwing poo?

Yung Flung Dung.

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

I wanna tell you guys a joke about a broken pencil...

But it’s quite pointless.

My Dad was mowing the grass today. I looked out the window and saw him slumped over the lawnmower. Apparently, he was just going through a rough patch.

Who makes the best anteaters?

Uncle's... (Aunt eaters)

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

What happens to chickens that get kidnapped by rapists?

They get choked.

Beneath this monumental stone Lise, 80 pounds of skin and bone.

What does the bee say to the fly?

"Buzz off!"

I drew a fist on a body, and then I drew a guy saying to him, "That dude's a knucklehead!"

I have a really good construction joke, but I’ll have to post it later because I’m still working on it.

Yo mama is like train tracks; she gets laid all around the country.