Laughter jokes
My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.
It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"
One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your laughter's melody, Makes my world anew.
Little Jim's friend told him that if he farts, he will give him a tenner. Little Jim tries to fart, but he poos himself, and he is bullied until he puts the poo on the bullies' face.
Why don't paralyzed people laugh?
They hate stand-up comedy.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
A small boy went up to a dog fountain? The more you. HAHA gorgeous ddollars of benjamin frnakus wghen hes wearing beakini bea at the beach hahaha.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
"Ash."
"Ash who?"
"Bless you!"
What did the banana say to the vibrator?
"What are you shaking for? She’s going to eat me!"
Why do you always high five the emo person? 'Cause you can't just leave them hanging.
Why do my kids die?
Stinky Oussy :D
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"
"Sure."
"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"
"What?"
"They both get thrown out."
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
How you guys not even know who did it? Hahahahaha.
Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.
Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?
A. They're both really short.