The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are... Woah.
OutOfPocket
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest? nothing... they both stick their meat in ten year old buns.
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance? They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow woman? Snowballs!
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
Moby Dick's fathers name... Papa Boner.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV His daughter comes in and says "dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! Its because when you were born a rose peddle fell on your head." "Cool" Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said "dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied,"Oh! its because when you were a baby, a daisy peddle fell on your head." "Awesome" Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
I was visiting an orphanage and started to pull in close to the building. My car hit 3 speed bumps and it caught me off guard. I got out of my car, looked under my tire and saw three orphans wedged in my tire. I started to get worried but then I thought to myself... nobody will miss them.
If Hitler had a cooking channel: Step one... Turn on the gas.
I like women's rights "jokes" because they're all facts.
you know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?" How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?