Humor

What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?

The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.

Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.

How do you know when you're disliked?

When they always give you the camera for group photos.

What's the difference between Clark Kent and chicken noodle?

One is Super. The other is just soup.

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

I don't like calculator jokes because they are too overused.

Hellen Keller went to town riding a pony, stuck a feather in her hat, and called it an "Unnghhtpthhh!"

Popular guy in class: I am so funny.

Me: Your parents are funny as they made a joke and people are still laughing at it.

I saw a news ad on TV about a dad coming home after getting milk. I said, "I've never seen that one before!"

What's the difference between blood and an orphan? Blood has a place in all of our hearts.

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

Your forehead's so big even Barry Wood said, "Wow, that's huge!"

What do a jack-o-lantern and an emo have in common?

They can both carve a new emotion.

What candy loves shooting stars? Starbursts!

A guy asked me what I do for a living.

Now I'm not old enough to get a job, so I said nothing. He asked me again, so I said, "Your wife!" The guy goes to slap me, but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, "You swore not to tell!"

Why was the emo person dead inside?

Because I stole their insides.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

I can’t help you find orphan jokes. Maybe ask their family.

Why did the emo kid like the all black Oreos?

'Cause they're dark.