Funny Jokes

My friend: "Ess, stop with the self-harm jokes it's not funny."

Me: "C'mon it's not that deep."

Does anyone still look at this? If you do, tell me if I should make more jokes :)

What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."

Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.

I told my dad I was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said, "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

As siblings, we always joke about being adopted. It stops being funny when you're playing in your parents' room and find both of your adoption papers.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels."

What's a pedophile's favorite type of garden?

A kindergarden.

I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while "the lights would turn off."

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

She walked up to the bartender and asked, "May I please use the restroom?"

The bartender replied, "OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf."

"Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way," said the nun.

So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause!

She went to the bartender and said, "Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?"

"Well, now they know you're one of us," said the bartender, "Would you like a drink?"

"No thank you, but, I still don't understand," said the puzzled nun.

"You see," laughed the bartender, "every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out."

Now, how about that drink?

Dark humor jokes about orphans are funny because no parents are gonna be told.

Yes, I'm CUTE.

C-ringe U-gly T-errible E-mpty.

Chuck Norris can gargle peanut butter.

My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.

I won't reply to every joke today because I want to say thanks to everyone for making funny jokes here. Every time I have a bad day (almost everyday), I always go here and read relatable jokes. It makes me happy and it's making me less anxious. I am really stressed with my school work and everything; I feel that I'm being left alone. Everyone compares me to others and all I can do is listen. I don't get enough sleep because of it... Reading these jokes entertains me and makes me laugh so hard.

I apologize for my grammar.