Landmine jokes

I've got a job defusing landmines.

It's difficult, but hopefully soon I'll find my feet.

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

What do Princess Diana and a landmine have in common? Both are easy to lay. Both costly and time-consuming to get rid of.

What did Saint Peter say to Diana when she got to the pearly gates? "Wipe that Merc off your face."

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

5 Little Monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said... "Wait, why are there mines all over the floor?"

I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are through the roof!

Why does everyone say there are mines in Bosnia? There are no-

A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine, and he said to her...

"Hey, baby, we should bang sometime!"

Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"

Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"

Officer: "Ok!"

*silence*

*explosion*

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.