Health jokes
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
What is better than winning gold at the Para Olympics?
WALKING!
Sally had 69 boobs, which was 222 many, 69,222. So she went to the doctor on 51st street, 69,222,51, who gave her pills. She took them 8 times a day, and now she is boobless.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
Memes
Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”
Patient: “OK.”
Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”
My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.
I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.
Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
I gave my friend some paper. It cut his wrists.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.