Health jokes
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics!
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
Welp
What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm!
How do you get a depressed person to jump?
Put them on a bridge.
Her: "Land of the free".
Me: *fat*
Her: What do you mean?
Me: It's not fat-free.
Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.
What's the difference between COVID and 9/11?
I've never heard of someone dying in a car accident, and the media blaming it on 9/11.
What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
A genealogist looks at the family tree.
A gynecologist looks up the family bush.
We send millions of mosquito nets to Africa; we can save millions of mosquitoes from dying of AIDS.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Why did the dick go insane?
Someone kept messing with his head.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!