Health jokes
What’s a vegetable’s favorite dance?
The cabbage patch.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
My wife said she wanted steamed vegetables with her steak, so I put her father in the hot tub.
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
What’s worse than running with scissors?
Scissoring with the runs!
Q: Why are medication pills white?
A: Because they work.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
People always tell me to say no to drugs, but if I'm talking to drugs, I probably said yes.