Health jokes

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

Life's like a box of chocolates. Doesn't last long for fat people.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).

What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?

A wheel dealer.

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?

You die of laughter.

Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.

Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

Why are kids so skinny?

Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.

Dentist: “This will hurt a little.”

Patient: “OK.”

Dentist: “I’m having an affair with your wife!”

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

My dad went for the milk, but he left his wheelchair.

We just found out Grandpa is addicted to Viagra. No one is taking it harder than Grandma.

Been getting a lot of paper cuts on my fingers lately, I guess it's a sign I should go lower.