Health jokes
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Anonymous. Nice to see so many new faces.
Why did the doctor get mad?
Because he was losing his patients.
A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
My grief counselor died.
He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂
What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?
They both take it in the back and go woop woop.
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?