Health jokes
Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.
Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.
Guy #2: Why, what is it?
Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.
Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...
Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!
"Hey Kels, what's on your arm?"
"Oh, that was the cat."
"We don't have a cat..."
"Oh..."
My friends:
Maya: I only get 9 hours of sleep.
Josh: 9 hours? I get 7 hours of sleep.
Noah: You get 7? I get 4 hours of sleep.
Me: You guys are getting sleep...
What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...
What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?
A Lymphomaniac.
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
That awkward moment when you thought the guy was a pretty good magician, and only then realize he simply suffers from leprosy.
Fat women can't walk, but on 9/11, they ran.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Yo mama so stupid, she studied for the COVID test.
You're so fat, you only know the letters KFC.
Yo mama's so fat that she used a telephone pole as a tampon.
What do you call an anorexic blond with a yeast infection?
… A quarter pounder with cheese.
Why is Delta jealous?
Because Omicron took the final kill.
What's the difference between my dad and cancer?
My dad didn't beat the cancer.
Someone asked me what the lines on my wrist were from. I answered, "My cat has OCD."
Therapists are rapists in disguise, because "the rapist".
If laughter is contagious, Kris's jokes are immunity.
Jack and Jill went up a hill
To pick some dill.
Jack slid down the hill and hurt his leg of skill,
And he needed a painkiller pill.
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.