Health jokes

I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.

It was the hardest day of my life.

My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...

What happened?

Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.

To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?

Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.

I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.

Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.

What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?

The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?

One Hung Lo.

What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection? A quarter pounder with cheese.

A few men have curved penises, but they can fix that problem by straightening it out.

What's the similarity between gay men and an ambulance?

They both take it in the back and go woop woop.

My grief counselor died.

He was so good, I don’t even care! 😂😂😂

Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.

Exercise?

I thought you said "extra fries!"

-A minion (you may now laugh).

My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.

What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.