Health jokes
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
What do you do when you finish a magazine in the hospital?
Reload and keep firing!
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.