Health jokes
I overdosed on Viagra yesterday.
It was the hardest day of my life.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Memes
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
I would've made a joke about Alzheimer's, too bad I forgot about it...
I love when I could run through the grass and feel the wind on my face.
Then my mom told me to get off VR, and then I wheeled myself to her.
Exercise?
I thought you said "extra fries!"
-A minion (you may now laugh).
What do you call someone 400lbs with a beer? A heavy drinker.
What do you call a ruptured Chinese man?
One Hung Lo.
Aren't paraplegics just plegics who can fly?
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Why do orphans die so much?
'Cause MJ said "she got COVID-19."
My back is straighter than I am, and I literally have scoliosis.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]