Health jokes
What is the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
What did the kid with Down syndrome say to his friend?
Nothing, he had no friends.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Why aren’t Make-A-Wish kids allowed to fly?
Because they rarely make it out of the terminal.
tru tho
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
I heard Steven Spielberg is coming out with a new movie about fat people called E.C.
(Extra Cholesterol)
Why do Mexicans take Xanax?
Because they’re Hispanic attacks.
What do priests give children?
Syphilis.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection?
A quarter pounder with cheese.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)