Health jokes
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
Why can't people in Africa have medicine?
Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
LMAO
Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:
Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
What’s worse than spiders on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What’s the hardest part about making vegetable soup?
To put the wheelchair in the pot.
Q: Do you know why God created yeast infections?
A: So women will know what it's like to live with an irritating cunt, too.
What do you call an inexpensive circumcision? A rip-off.
Why do people who get shot in the head always become therapists?
They are more open-minded.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
COVID is like fashion...
We started hearing about it in Italy...
Became popular in LA and NYC...
Florida ignored it...
And it was all made in China in the end.
Them: What's on your arm?
Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)
Why are you so white?
Because you have no lotion on.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
Q: What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?
A: A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection.