Hospital Jokes

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

I got kicked out of a hospital once, I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

* What's the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * ... * A FLATLINE!

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says "Okay I'd like you to point to wherever it hurts". So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says "Here. Ow." She then pokes her arm and says "Here. Ow." She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say "I know what's happened to you." "What's happened to me??" The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, "You have a broken finger."

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Why was sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida." I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was "You unplugged my life support", that's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He yelled, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" The Doctor replies, "I know, I amputated your arms."

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone's breathing masks to laughing gas.

Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says "sorry kid but this is a family hospital"

Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals? To keep all the vegetables fresh.

How do you start a rave? Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital

What did the bird to the hospital for? For tweetment!

Why's it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?

The damages are severe

*in the hospital* paralyzed kid : I'm out *walks out the room* blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k

i got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.