Light

Anonymous

How do you throw a surprise party at a hospital?

Bring a strobe light into the epilepsy ward.

6

Kick

Covid-19

I got kicked out of a hospital once, I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

6

Orphan

Stalin

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

2

Depression

Anonymous
  • What’s the hardest line to draw in a hospital? * …
  • A FLATLINE!

Vegetable

paris

Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals? To keep all the vegetables fresh.

4

Shooting

Anonymous

What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital? Reload and keep shooting

Night

Emma

I went to visit my friends sick grandpa. He was lying in a hospital bed connected to a lot of tubes. When I approached him he kept repeating “Nǐ cǎizhe wǒ de yǎngqì guǎn”

Suddenly right in front of me, he passed. Later that night I translated his last words, and they were “You’re standing on my oxygen tube”

9

Singing

GRUCK

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it…”

The room was full of arm amputees.

4

Throw

Track329

How do you start a rave? Throw a flashbang into the epileptic ward of a hospital

Bus

Allan C.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Curry

yadad69

if stephen hawking is diying where do i take him currys pc world or hospital

Difference

Anonymous

A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”

3

Straight

Anonymous

When I was in 4th grade, we wrote letters to kids in the hospital. I wrote: It is a bumpy road but soon it will be a straight path. Not many people know I was talking about their heart monitor.

Kick

Joe Mamma

i got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.

Cold

Anonymous

Why do hospitals have fans? To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.

2

Depression

Mr. Depression

What is the easiest line to draw in the hospital?

My heartbeat.

Sister

Turbot 9ine

Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator : Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Adoption

Sally

Why was sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.

Minutes

Phil Swift

My dad and I went to the hospital once, and he said he’d be fine and it’d only take a few minutes.

Lying bastard never came out.

0

Gas

John

My mom said the happier a person is when sick the sooner they get better.

So I went to the hospital hooked up everyone’s breathing masks to laughing gas.

0