Pepper Spray jokes

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Why do I carry pepper spray?

Just in case of as-SAULT.

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

I was going on a date when I decided to put on Penaldo’s PR7 cologne to smell good. As I put on the cologne, my skin started to turn invisible!

I then realized the cologne had made me turn into a ghost 👻. Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my date 😡!

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."