Pepper Spray jokes

Lately, I’ve been wearing sunglasses when I have sex.

So I don’t get pepper sprayed.

I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.

He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Why do I carry pepper spray?

Just in case of as-SAULT.

What did Pepper say to Spray?

"Hey Spray, I'm Pepper, and I think we should fight crime!"

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery.

When you’re hiding from the school shooter next to people who made fun of you for having an Android: “HEY SIRI”

I was working in an iPhone store in Norwich when a man came! He said, "Give me a hat-trick or I will destroy your store!" I said, "No," and he started to smash phones! I immediately screamed, "Important game!" and he disappeared! Shame on you, Penaldo, for ruining my store! 😡😡

"Sanderson, fire a warning shot."

"Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher."

"Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger."

I shot a man with a paintball gun just to watch him dye.