I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket, You can hide but you cant run.
What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life
Sonic Can run around the world in a second. In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can´t Run
friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet
A Child asks his teacher to go to the toilet "before you go recite the alphabet" the teacher says a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z "good but wheres the p?" “running down my leg”
To the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide, but you can’t run.
Two atoms are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, “Are you all right?” “No, I lost an electron!” “Are you sure?” “Yeah, I’m positive!”
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? – “Curses! Foil again!”
Do your buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.
Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes gasp how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that… and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".