Run Jokes

Person

I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Anonymous

To the man in the wheel chair who stole my camouflage jacket, You can hide but you cant run.

Bloodcurdling scream

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere

Anonymous

What was the last thing to run through osama bin ladens mind? Probably a bullet.

6
Isaiah Kellar

What pool never runs dry? The one on the Titanic.

5
The broken joker

What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.

Anonymous
in Confucius

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

Allan C.
in Singing

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Lynn🤍💖

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt she says “Oh what chest!” " That’s 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." Then he takes off his pants she says “Oh what legs!’’ He says “That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby.” After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says “Why were you running?” She said I didn’t wanna be in there once I’ve seen how small the fuse was.”

steph3n show

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

0
mixed joke boom box
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “mommy mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy’s clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started…”. The mother cuts him off and says “just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting “I’m leaving you… Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle joe last summer.”

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Anonymous

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friends pen, in the end he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chickens life

ShadowTheRedUmbreon

If a person in a wheel chair runs you over, can you call it a Hit and Can´t Run

4
Anonymous
in Dwarf

why do dwarfs laugh when they run. the grass tickles their balls.

7
Anonymous

Why do midgets laugh when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls.

A Ghost...
in Depression

friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet

Anonymous
in Chuck Norris

Sonic Can run around the world in a second. In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.

Anonymous

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

dlm579
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, “Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?” Mommy xays, “Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy’s garage, now go and play”
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter. Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, “Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn’t get the back wheels in so l she l took the sissors and cut them off.”