I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
To the man in the wheelchair who stole my camouflage jacket, "You can hide but you can't run."
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?
A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
I wasn't planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.
A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy. The guy takes off his shirt, she says, "Oh, what chest!" "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby," he replies. Then he takes off his pants, she says, "Oh, what legs!" He says, "That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby." After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running. He catches her and says, "Why were you running?" She said, "I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."
I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.
The wheels on the bus go round and round!
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
What pool never runs dry?
The one on the Titanic.
Sonic can run around the world in a second.
In that same time, Chuck Norris can run around the Universe.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
A shark can swim faster than me, but I can run faster than a shark.
So in a triathlon, it would all come down to whoever can ride a bike the fastest.
I went on a walk with a super pretty girl, then she saw me and it turned into a run.
A child asks his teacher to go to the toilet.
"Before you go, recite the alphabet," the teacher says.
"a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z"
"Good, but where's the p?"
"Running down my leg."
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
What's Gru's favorite Beyoncé lyric? "Who run the world... Gorls."
What do you call being run over by Michael Jackson?
Being hit by... Being struck by... A smooth criminal.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall? Dam.
What is the worst combination of illnesses?
Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
