Health jokes

Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.

Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.

What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.

What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.

What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.

A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.

What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?

One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.

Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...

Wait, where are we again?

The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.

I was gonna tell a memory loss joke, but I forgot it.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

I am thinking of removing my spine.

It's only holding me back.

A man walks into a bar.

He had to have 13 stitches!

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,

"Some asshole has my pen!"

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

I'm stumped.

When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.