Health jokes
How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?
You get a good connection.
I once had a patient who wanted to change his species.
I'll tell you, he was unBEARable.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What's breakdancing, twitching, and noisy?
A child with epilepsy.
I have OCD and ADD, so everything had to be perfect...but not for long.
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
Bro, I gave a suicidal kid Nikes... he just did it, lol.
I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive.
If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."
I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.
He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.
*I have seizures*
Sorry, what’s the quickest way to get to the hospital? Easy, just stand in the middle of a busy road.
Why can’t Chinese people play baseball? Because they ate the bat.
If you don’t get it, a Chinese woman ate a bat and she got the coronavirus (I think).
What is the only part of a vegetable you can’t eat?
The wheelchair.
A woman having labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”
“Don’t worry,” said Doc to the worried husband.
“Those are just contractions.”
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.