Health jokes
I only seem to get sick on weekdays. I must have a weekend immune system.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What do you call it when a gay guy farts?
An abortion.
A Thai woman ran into a wall. What does she break?
Her boner.
Is it OK to tell a Covid patient to stay positive?
What happens if you inhale too much nitrous oxide (laughing gas)?
You die of laughter.
Chuck Norris has come in contact with Covid.
Covid is now in a 14-day quarantine.
What’s the difference between KFC and a woman on her period?
One is finger-licking good, and the other is just a fast-food restaurant.
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
What part of a vegetable can't you eat? The wheelchair.
What kind of cold flu do the Japanese get? The Koflu.
My doctor said I need to lose calories, so I got a piece of paper, wrote "calories," and lit it on fire.
What's the difference between a paralyzed kid and a father?
The father gets to leave, while the kid stays.
My wife is pregnant, but when we get to the doctors, something happened...
What happened?
Answer: The husband is pregnant too, with someone else’s baby, not the wife’s baby, but the wife is pregnant with his baby.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
Why are kids so skinny?
Parents eat all the food themselves, and let the kids starve.
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.