Health jokes
Scientists are trying to find a cure for anorexics. It should be a piece of cake!
Jack and Jill wanted some pills.
So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.
The CCP should be pleased. COVID is the longest thing to have ever been made in China.
How does the skeleton call his friends? With a tele-bone.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.
Memes
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
What do you give a pig when it has a rash?
Oinkment.
My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.
Then I waited for the results.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.
I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.
A man walks into a bar.
He had to have 13 stitches!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes time to put you under.
Last year, I got kicked out of the Hospital for telling COVID patients to stay positive!
Bobby had 54 dicks (54).
He took 33 pills a month (5433).
Once he ran out of pills, he was left with 45 dicks (543345).
(Flip the calculator once you got the full number. 543345! He's got a lot!
To whoever stole my antidepressants, why do you need them?
Why was the snowman looking through a bag of carrots?
He was picking his nose.
What do you call a Fuhrer who's also a fitness coach?
Adolf Fit-ler.
Guys, depression cannot be turned into a joke.