Drug

Drug Jokes

Mom

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

Drug Dealer

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

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  • Candy

    You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

    Person: Uh okay.

    You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

    Person: Addicted.

    You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

    Person: Addicted.

    You: What hit you in the face last night?

    Person: Addicted... *laughs*

    (It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

    Memes

    Marijuana

    I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

    So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

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  • Number

    Gf: "You are a drug."

    Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

    Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

    Health

    "Just say no to drugs!"

    Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

    Sneaker

    I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

    Man

    Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

    Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

    Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

    Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

    Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

    Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

    Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

    Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

    Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

    Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

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  • Kid

    What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

    Market

    Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

    Coke

    How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

    He CRACKed up.

    Lesbian

    Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

    Dealer

    So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

    Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

    Movie

    I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.

    Kid

    Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.