Drug Jokes


My mom told me drugs are my enemies… but Jesus said to love your enemies


I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I have been tripping all day!

in Girl

Whats the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?

The prostitute can wash her crack and sell it again.

Pickle Rick!

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!


What’s the difference between drugs and kids?

I don’t sell drugs.

in Puns

If there was someone selling drugs around here, weed know


How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.


"Just say no to drugs!" well, if i’m talking to my drugs, i probably already said yes

in Ex

Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.


Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

in Jesus

My mom told me that drugs are my enemes…But jesus said to love my enemies

in Sentence

You: Say “addicted” after everything I say. Person: Uh okay. You: When you’re obsessed with candy you are…? Person: Addicted. You: When you’re obsessed with drugs you are…? Person: Addicted. You: What hit you in the face last night? Person: Addicted… laughs (It’s supposed to sound like “A dick did”)


What do kids and drugs have in common , I sell both of the

my friend
in Puns

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly she did drugs. So one day I go up to her and say “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever… I don’t gnome why but… it CRACKed me up abit!!!

Eleventeen Dollars

Say no to drugs kids, suddenly, the poster dissapeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.


Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN


I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I’ve been trippin’ all day.


For you have a overdose on a drug and die, then the lethal dose would a lifetime supply.

Sans the Skeleton
in Puns

What do you call a duck on drugs A quackhead.

in Puns

so I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer. Now I don’t know what they were laced with but I was trippin all day.