Drug jokes

My mom told me drugs are my enemies... but Jesus said to love your enemies.

If there was someone selling drugs around here, we'd know.

What does a wizard say when doing drugs? Injecto Patronum!

How does a prostitute make more than a drug dealer?

Because she can clean her crack and sell it again.

You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.

Person: Uh okay.

You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?

Person: Addicted.

You: What hit you in the face last night?

Person: Addicted... *laughs*

(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")

What's the difference between drugs and kids?

I don't sell drugs.

I had a friend named Mari. Sadly, she did drugs.

So one day I go up to her and say, “Mari-juana do this???” She later asked me to leave forever... I don’t gnome why, but... it CRACKed me up a bit!!!

Gf: "You are a drug."

Bf: "Why, cause you are addicted to me?"

Gf: "No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana."

"Just say no to drugs!"

Well, if I'm talking to my drugs, I probably already said yes.

I bought some sneakers from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been trippin' all day.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

What do kids and drugs have in common? I sell both of them.

What do you call a duck on drugs?

A quackhead.

Did you know that there is a new drug on the market for lesbians who are suffering from depression? It's called Trycoxagain.

How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?

He CRACKed up.

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

So I got these new shoes, except they were from a drug dealer.

Now I don't know what they were laced with, but I was trippin' all day.

Your daddy must be a drug dealer, because you're dope.

I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.

Say no to drugs, kids. Suddenly, the poster disappeared. I hallucinated. Must have been the cocaine.