Crime jokes
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
It's okay, you had socks on :)
"Hee hee touch my pp."
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.