Crime jokes
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp?
He bought a warehouse.
A dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
"Hee hee touch my pp."
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
Crimes in 2018: assault, murder.
Crimes in 2020: coughing in public.
Yo mama so fat, she was pulled over... FOR HAVING 12 POUNDS OF CRACK ON HER!
It's okay, you had socks on :)
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
What is 3 feet tall and sits at the bottom of children's beds?
A: Garry Glitter's boots.
Joe Biden was once president, but he got arrested because he got caught fingering a minor.
You'd think the Catholic Church would be in favor of condoms... less DNA evidence.
"Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust Ring in Hell!"
My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
Once a naked woman robs a bank, but sadly, no one can remember her face...
Why are colds such bad robbers?
Because they're so easy to catch.
Mom! I think that dad is sleeping.
Mom: No, honey, I killed him.
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.