Crime jokes

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

What would you like as your last meal?

Fried chicken. Extra crispy.

Bro, please block Kimberly Jones. She keeps trying to scam people.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

If you killed an orphan's family... oh wait!

What did the terrorist do when New York didn’t want his food:

Here comes the airplane.

Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?

What do you call a gangster involved with anime? A Cuz-Player.