Crime jokes
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why did the serial killer cross the road? To get to the victim's house.
Knock, knock. Who's there? The serial killer.
I was walking down the streets of Manchester when suddenly I saw Penaldo getting arrested! I heard the officer say, “This time I give you warning, there will be no penalty.”
That’s when Penaldo asked, “No penalty?!” and punched the police officer.
Shame on you Penaldo!
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
What do you call a Terrorist in a wheel chair?
RCXD in bound
How does a paedophile know if he's good at sex?
It'll forever be a mystery because the victims [are] too young to scream his name.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
"This morning, I came out my front door to see my neighbor frantically trying to scrub off the word "PEDO" that had been spray-painted on his front window."
"What's been going on, John?" I asked.
"Fucking kids," came his mumbled reply.
The dirty bastard!
Teacher: Ok class, good morning. We are going to start off by asking what kind of sound animals make.
Teacher: Ok, what sound does a pig make?
Class: A cow says "moo moo."
Teacher: Good!
Teacher: What does a sheep make?
Class: A sheep says "baa baaa."
Teacher: Good! Now, what does a pig say?
Little Johnny: A pig says, "Put your hands up and get against the wall, you stupid mother fucker!"
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common? Shooting up schoolchildren.
What do you call a terrorist in water?
A bath bomb 😁
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
I'm Pastor Moe Mister, Moe Lester.
How do you verify a rape claim? You make it true.
I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe?
White Vans.
The only time rape jokes are funny is never.
If I were to cut your legs off, would it hurt? Because your legs will be cut off...