I got sent to the principal's office today because I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire and screamed, "HOT WHEELS!"
Crime Jokes
I got fired from my job at the bank today.
An old lady came in and asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What's the difference between a Baptist and a rapist? The priests.
You call it a school shooting.
I call it an unfair shootout.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer say to the men he took home that said they were hungry? "I've got Ben and Jerry's in the freezer."
Why are orphans never in jail?
Because they're never wanted.
What do you call a terrorist on a wheelchair?
C4.
I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.
Yo yo Zac, have you Amber HEARD about the Johnny Depp case? ARRRRRRRRRRR!
How many terrorists does it take to tile a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!
A man is on his deathbed in prison by electric chair.
The man who controls the chair asks for any last words.
The prisoner replies with: “Can you hold my hand?”
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
What is a paedo's favourite time of year?
Halloween because they get free delivery.
What is an orphan's dream?
To get on top of the wanted list! 🤣
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
I was digging and found some gold. I was going to tell my mom, then I remembered why I was digging.
"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."
"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"
Why was six afraid of seven?
Seven was a registered six offender.
My grandpa has the heart of a lion,
and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
