Crime jokes
Greg fucking steals toes!
Good news, people! Michael Jackson is still alive. They found him hidden away in a goat pen with all the kids!
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
So, some thieves robbed me the other day. They took everything I owned, except for the soap, towels, and deodorant.
Dirty bastards.
I'm in the alagba association. Call 666-666-666 to join the gang. It's free and free kills duidui.
There was a kid in a wheelchair. I put him on fire and called him Hot Wheels.
Q: What's red during puberty?
A: The blood on my hands.
Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?
He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
How many babies does it take to paint a room red?
Depends how hard you throw 'em.
I hate when people leave their cars running, especially in the summer.
I'm like, "You got Tracy Latimer in there or something?"
My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy and then I was arrested for assault.
The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?
Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.
Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
When the police caught him stealing the batteries, he got immediately charged!
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
Roses are red, my name is Dan, I have a gun, GET IN THE VAN!
What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?
Target practice.