Crime jokes

What's a kidnapper's favorite shoe? White vans.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

What do you call an autistic kid in a school shooting?

Target practice.

What is the difference between Nicole Brown Simpson and cancer?

OJ couldn’t kill cancer.

What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?

"I woke up Chris Breezy."

Why do rappers make terrible pirates?

Because they’re always DROPPING HOOKS!

Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.

What’s something Bill Cosby and Freddy Krueger have in common?

Once you fall asleep, you’re fucked.

I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and the devil?

The devil always has horns... not just around children.