Wade

Registered on · 118 followers · Last active 17 days ago

Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.

I hate 2 faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.

How is slavery different from Pokémon? There’s different types of Pokémon

My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?

You have to turn them on before they start to suck.

I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.

What do you call a non binary person that is lactose intolerant?

Non-buy dairy

Crush: "How much do you love me?"

Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."

Crush: "But it's morning."

Me: "Exactly."