Whenever I work late at the hospital, I help the patients sleep. There isn't a snooze button on the beeping things and it can be quite annoying, making it hard for the patient to sleep, so I unplug them.
Wade
I hate 2 faced people because I don't know which face to slap first.
How is slavery different from Pokémon? There’s different types of Pokémon
A suicide bomber's biggest fear is dying alone
How to tell your kid he's adopted: “Son, I'm a virgin.”
My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction".
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
What goes zzub-zzub ?
A bee flying backwards
I was walking down the street and I punched a white guy, then I was arrested for assault. The next day after I got out, I punched a black guy and I was arrested for impersonating a police officer.
What do you call a non binary person that is lactose intolerant?
Non-buy dairy
Dark humor is like water. Some people get it, some people don't.
Crush: "How much do you love me?"
Me: "Well, look at the stars outside."
Crush: "But it's morning."
Me: "Exactly."
How does Hellen Keller meet men? She goes on blind dates.
What is a suicide packs favorite song? Let the bodies hit floor
I like George Floyd's new song. It is really breath taking.