Crime jokes
Today I went to the doctor for a test, and he said I have 10 months to live.
So later that day I stabbed him to death, and the judge sentenced me for 15 years in prison. Problem solved!
What’s the name of OceanGate’s next submarine?
Judging by the breathing conditions on their subs, I bet they’ll call it the "George Floyd."
A rapist, pedophile, and a priest walk into a bar. He orders a beer.
Same person.
When I was in middle school, I was kidnapped by a terrorist organization.
Al-gebra.
Joker: Knock knock...
Batman: Who's there?
Joker: Not your parents!
What did the priest say when he walked into an elementary school?
Let us prey.
Q. What's Jeffery Dahmer's favorite song?
A. "Pieces of You."
I give props to pedophiles.
They always go slow in the school zones.
Gun control...
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her.
Two pedophiles meet each other. Then one asks if he wanted to trade "2 of 5" for "1 of 10?"
What do you call a convict in prison for touching little girls? A boy named Brandon.
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
What type of file do you need to turn a 14 centimeter hole into a 40 centimeter hole?
A pedophile.
A teacher asked a class who killed Goliath. The first pupil said he wasn’t the one. The second said he doesn’t know. No one knew in the class.
The teacher got furious and dashed to the Head Master’s office to report. Immediately, the head master followed him back to the class with a cane. He growled- “If no one tells me who killed Goliath in this class, you will see fire!” Everyone in the class insisted on the fact that it wasn’t them.
Then the Head master looked at the teacher and said- “Mr. Dapo, are you sure that the person who killed Goliath is in this class?” The teacher fainted.
Man: I must confess, Father.
Priest: What are you here to confess?
Man: I hit my wife and blamed her for what happened to our son.
Priest: And what happened to your son?
Man: He said a man raped him.
Priest: When and where did this happen?
Man: A local church. I don't know which one.
Priest: ...By whom?
Man: A priest, he said. He said the priest had black hair and blue eyes, kind of like you.
Priest: ...Shit
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
"Sweet victory" fans: Fuck the NFL. They should be disbanded!
Harvey Weinstein: I raped five girls, and the NFL was one of them.
There was a blackout in my neighborhood last night. The police told us to stay inside until they shot him.
Are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.