What makes an ISIS joke funny?
The execution.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?
Consensual Rapper 7.
Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.
Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.
What do you call a movie at Bill Cosby’s house?
Netflix and pill.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
Roses are red, flowers naturally cannot be black. I heard that your dad's in jail for selling crack!
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
What’s faster than a black guy with the TV?
His little brother with the console.
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
What has eight legs and doesn’t rape children?
The Jackson 4.
Why did the terrorist masturbate and smoke weed on the plane?
He was told to high-jack it.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
