Crime jokes
Today a canvasser came to my door asking if I wanted to make a donation to protect women in the Congo.
I told her no.
The canvasser got a little upset with me and said, "Don't you know that the Congo is the rape capital of the world?"
"Then they should be used to it by now," I replied.
What do Lindsay Clancy and Jane Doe have in common?
Neither could walk after what they did.
What’s the difference between Jane Doe and a roller coaster?
You can ride both on Ketamine, but only one will get you on the news.
11:45 - Arrived at crime scene.
11:45 - Examined body. Signs of struggle.
11:45 - Found murder weapon in drain.
11:45 - Realized watch was broken.
What is the best way to pick up a woman from the bar?
Spike her drink with roofies.
The doctor gave me 6 months to live.
So I shot him.
Judge gave me 20 years.
Problem solved.
Jeffrey Epstein was a disgusting person, but he could tie a good hangman's knot.
How do you make sure a rape victim doesn’t testify against you?
Kill her first.
How do you stop a gang of black men from raping a white girl?
Throw them a basketball.
Everyone is so sensitive about racial issues these days.
All I did was burn a couple crosses and I'm up on federal hate crime charges.
What's Jeffrey Epstein's favourite vegetable?
The retarded kid down the street.
I told my boyfriend one time when I was drunk that I like being raped. The next day, he comes over and says, "Want to have sex?" I said no. He was arrested two days later.
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
I read a book on the Tracy Latimer case the other day.
It was a gas.
There are so many things about Tracy Latimer's murder that I wish I knew. Did he buckle up her seatbelt? Did he put the radio on for her?
Did he tell her she was going on a little trip to Gastown?
What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilANTe!
Why did the pedophile get kicked out of the candy store?
Because he snatched all of the Sour Patch Kids.
Q. When is it bedtime at Jeffrey Epstein's house? A. When the big hand touches the little hand.
Q. What do iPads and Jeffrey Epstein have in common?
A. Kids turn them on.