New Crime Jokes

I was wrong about AISH workers having no value.

If you get to them soon enough after the murder, you can harvest a few organs.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Remember kids.

Killing an AISH worker is a victimless crime.

Q. What's funnier than an AISH worker getting raped?

A. An AISH worker getting gang raped.

Rape is always unequivocally wrong.

Unless it's an AISH worker. Then you give her anal.

The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.

What do ICE and Mexican drug cartels both have in common?

They both kidnap Canadian women!

ICE and ISIS have similar first syllables. Coincidence? I think not!

When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.

What do you call an orphan with a gun?

(No) home shooter.

What is Jeffrey Dahmer's favorite song?

"Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes."

What's the difference between Batman and a Black man???

Batman can go out at night without Robin.

Do you know what's in common between a hitman and a photographer?

They all shoot people for a living.

What makes an ISIS joke funny?

The execution.

I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.

I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.

What do you call a Portuguese who commits a crime in Las Vegas?

Consensual Rapper 7.

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

Two priests are pulled over by the police. One priest asks the cop what the reason for pulling them over is. The cop says, "We are looking for two child molesters." The priest look at each other and tell the cop they'll do it.