Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

“Correct,” says the teacher.

The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

“Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

“Correct again,” says the teacher.

The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one then he/she should stand up. After a minute a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he’s an idiot.

The boy says, “No, I just didn’t want to see you standing there all by yourself.”

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and and everything was half off. I didn’t know back to school sales had started already

Why does everyone at school make fun of the cripples kid. Because he can’t stand up for himself.

My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered “Happy”. The teacher said I didn’t understand the test, I said to her that she didn’t understand life

Where do you learn to make ice cream? – Sundae school.

Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins… I just go to the local primary school

When the school shooter leaves your classroom and the autistic kid’s sketchers light up.

What’s the difference between a school and a isis military base? Don’t ask me I only fly the drone…

School is like a boner. It’s long and hard unless you’re Asian.

What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test? Drool

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? – Mumbai!

A teacher says to her class one day, "Whoever answers my next question, can go home." A boy throws his bag out the window.

The teacher asks, “Who just threw that?”

The boy says, “Me! I’m going home now.”

How do fish get to school?

By the octobus.

Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school?

Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded

When I was little I would pray to Jesus every night for him to get me a new bike, I learned one week in Sunday school that that’s not how it works, so instead i just stole one and asked him for forgiveness.

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”

Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!

Two boys were arguing in class one day when the teacher walked in to the classroom. The teacher asked them, “Why are you arguing?”

One of the boys replied, “We found a ten dollar bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie.”

“You should be ashamed of yourselves,” said the teacher. “When I was your age I didn’t even know what a lie was.”

The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.