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If you push some one that’s bullying, if you kill some one that’s murder, if there is no evidence it’s nothing

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.

I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder

You know it’s only considered murder if there’s a body. Otherwise it’s just a missing person.

A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, “Any last requests?” “Yes,” replied the murderer, “Will you please hold my hand?”

Murder is the same as suicide except the other person is doing it for you

A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ¨Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!¨ After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ¨Yes sir!¨ After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ¨Forks and knives, forks and knives!¨ After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ¨Goody-goody gumdrops!¨ A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You´re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!

Don’t you just want to go on a mass murder while listening to goodbye Moonman. Oh just me… OK

There was murder. The detective suspected the artist first… because he was sketchy.

So a women was paranoid so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed and if the dog licked her hand then she was safe.One night just before bed she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick so she went to bed. She in the middle of the night needed to go to the bathroom. So she walked into the bathroom and on the window it said: HUMANS CAN LICK TOO! Then she was murdered.

grandfathers last words :Stop shaking the ladder you cunt Grandmother last words : you know how to use that hammer Dads last words : Always aim before you shoot that gun Moms last words :Turn of the stove when you’re done My last thought : am I a murder

knock knock

who’s there?

A murderer.

A murderer w-

is cut off by being murdered

How come when women decide to kill their unborn baby its a “choice”. But when I decide to drive my car into a playground full of children its called “murder”.

A hand of Pepsi murdered a coca cola a innocent sprite yelled QUICK! CALL DR PEPPER! Eventually a 7 up called Dr pepper the coca cola was fine

Why did your friend eat the burger?

Because he wanted to murder all burgers and was starting with this one!

Not really. He was just hungry.

Why did the murder invest in condoms?To kill the future buyers!

What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victimless!

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

What is killing your friend called? a homie-side

Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?

He totally kilt her.