My therapist told me that time heals all wounds. So I stabbed him, now we wait
I like my oreos how I like my victims.... Drowning
That one awkward moment you try to relate to batman by killing your parents.
Murder is the same as suicide except the other person is doing it for you
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
My wife and I watched The Perfect Murder together. Excellent movie, but what disturbed me though was my wife constantly taking notes.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
What is killing your friend called? a homie-side
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
they say there’s a person capable of murder in every friendship group. I suspected it was dave, so i killed him before he could cause any harm.
If you push some one that's bullying, if you kill some one that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing
Teacher: your bag is heavy what's in there!
Weird Kid: Magazines
Why can't you solve a murder in Alabama?
All the DNA is identical and there are no dental records
You realize your in a parodox,until you die,you’ll see yourself die,Murder,Suicide,Old Age,Etc Then your realize your dreaming,but you realize that you die in a dream you die irl
Don't be scared of skeletons
They don't have the guts for murder
A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."
Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo. I gave them a halo.
