Crime jokes
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
I hate these double standards.
If you burn a body at a crematorium you're "doing a good job". If you do it at home you're "destroying evidence".
They laughed at my drawing, so I laughed at their chalk outline.
My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0
This is not a joke; this is just about death...
Do orphans love doing crime?
'Cause they want to be wanted.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of the crime?
I think they just hacked the "chrime."
When the guy came in with a gun to rob the store, I said: "Hey, can I borrow that?"
He says "yes." Me, over here, walking to the cashier and saying: "Goodbye!" He screams: "Have mercy!"
I say: "No, not to you, to me. Say goodbye." He says: "No, don't shoot yourself!" It was too late.
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
What does Bill Cosby and someone eating at McDonald's have in common?
They're both mc lovin' what they're eating.
The Pope drives around in a glass box, or as I like to call him, a sniper's dream.
What does a terrorist get for Christmas?
A C4.
Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.
Little Johnny paints them black.
Little Johnny went to a gun store.
Little Johnny made a big mess.
The cemetery people were getting paid.
Smoking a fag in Britain: 🚬
Smoking a fag in America: hate crime.
October 1, 2017 is when the Mandalay Bay became the Mandalay spray. Thank Steve for that.
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
What did Al-Shehhi say to Mohamed Atta?
"We are on time!"
"Look at these kids stealing ideas, bro. They're going to jail."
I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"