Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.
If being ugly was a crime, you would get a life sentence.
What do you call an Australian visiting the UK on holiday? Returning to the scene of the crime.
There was a kidnapping, but he woke up
They laughed at my drawing so I laughed at their chalk outline 😈
Did you hear about the crime in the parking garage? It was wrong on so many levels.
Girl: "Hey, why don't you come over?"
Guy: "I can't. Cops are looking for me, they say I killed 2 people."
Girl: "C'mon, my parents aren't home."
Guy: "About that..."
3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn't pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
Say what you want about Pedophiles but at least they drive slow through school zones
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money.
Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."
The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.
He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"
The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"
Give a man a gun and he will rob a bank.
Give a man a bank and he will rob everyone.
A thief walks up to a man in a suit and pulls out a gun. The Thief says: "Give me your money." The man in the suit turns around surprised. He raises his hands and says: "But, wait! You can't do that, I am a Congressman!" The thief replies: "Oh, sorry. Give me MY money."
What's the difference between a amateur thief and a professional thief?
The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."
What is a kidnapper’s favorite shoe
White Vans
If you push some one that's bullying, if you kill some one that's murder, if there is no evidence it's nothing
What makes suicide illegal?
Getting caught.
I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
Some people think prison is one word, but to robbers, it's a whole sentence.
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
