3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the b.....”
An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like “it’s an elevator not a lift” and “it’s chips not crisps” etc. After a while of this the British person calmly retorted “they’re schools, not shooting ranges”.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to his home town. On a hunch, he checked the town’s cantina, and sure enough, there was the robber. The only other people in the bar were the bartender and a scrawny, older man at a back table. The time was right to make a move. The ranger drew his revolver, charged into the cantina, and announced: “You are under arrest. I get a reward for you, dead or alive. Tell me where the money is, and I’ll let you live. If you don’t, I’ll shoot you right here, and save myself the trouble of having to take you back to Texas alive.” But the bandit didn’t speak English, and the Ranger didn’t speak Spanish. As it turned out, the scrawny man at the back of the bar happenedd to be a lawyer. He knew the robber, and was bilingual, and quickly offered to translate for the two of them. The ranger said: “Tell him that if he doesn’t tell me where the loot is, I’ll shoot him here and now.” Upon hearing what the Ranger had said, and seeing the cold look in his eye, the bandit knew that the Ranger meant it - if he did not give up his loot, he was a dead man. Terrified, the bandit blurted out in Spanish that the loot was buried in an old barn at the outskirts of town. “What did he say?” asked the Ranger. The lawyer answered: “He said, ‘You don’t have the nerve to shoot me, Yankee swine.’”
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
at class,a kindergartner named jeffrey,was supposed to do a project on which superhero his dad would be.1 kid said,my dad would be superman because he is strong.the teacher congratulated him.another kid showed his project and said,my dad would be batman because he has all of these cool electronics he uses every day.once again the teacher congratulated him on his work.then the last kid jeffrey,showed his project and said,my dad would be spiderman,because he pins me to the ground,and shoots out a sticky white substance.
man asks a women: Are you a school? women: No why? man: Oh i wanted to shoot my kid inside of you.
How are school shooting victims and school shooting jokes similar?
They never get old.
If a person shoot’s a person about to commit suicide, is it making it less painful or is it murder?
Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14
Why are white teenagers the best for the army? They are good at shooting things up.
what’s the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid
Depends who’s shooting
What do you do during a shooting? why join in of course…
School shooting happens
Foreign exchange student: Sobbing under desk
American student: “First time?”
A panda walks into a bar, he asked the bar tender for a sandwich and then proceeds to shoot him the leaves the bar. Later on, after asking witnesses, the police track down the panda and take him to the station. They question him and ask, “why’d you do it?” The panda replied, “it’s what pandas do, look it up.” So they did, they went on Wikipedia and there it was: Pandas eat shoots and leaves.
A man shoots up a School and then fakes his own death, he then later returns to shoot up the same school, he repeats the prosses a few times untill the police catch him, when they ask why he did it, he replied “I wondered when you would check if i was still breathing”
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You’re armed but you only have 2 bullets left, what do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Why did the cop shoot the crippled man? He didnt have his hands where the cop could see them.
A man tried to shoot Adolf Hitler but missed. Then Adolf replied, “Oh shoot, I did nazi that coming!”
Today my mom gave me a lecture on how to stay safe during school shootings and when my brother walked past my mom asked me a question "what do you think of going through kids heads during a school shooting " That’s when my brother came back downstairs and said to me and my mom “bullets” we don’t talk about this anymore